Except I have QuickBooks Pro 2005. And I really don't have it set up yet. And apparently, .QIF files are something entirely different, like an update file. So now QuickBooks wants to update, but barfs in the process.
I took a look at the file with Notepad, and discovered that it's pretty much a delimited text file, so I downloaded a hex editor (actually the most difficult step, I had to try four before I found one that would do replace without having to upgrade to a paid version) and created a .CSV file that I was able to bring into Excel. A few corrections later, and voila, I have the entire list of transactions on my account for the 2005 year, including deposits, check card withdrawls, checks, ACH transactions, fees, and everything. The only quirk is that the checks are listed by number only, and I have to go back to my check records to match them up with the payee.
Then I have to go through the list, match up the payments to the corresponding categories, and cross-reference those with the receipts so I can track what's missing.
If you're wondering why I go to this much trouble, it's mainly because I was a 1099 contractor for four months last year, and I need every bit of deduction I can get.