Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

It's been almost a year since I've been back home, living in the Big Broken Box™. I never did get to have my Prison Release Party. A lot has happened in that year, including making a movie, building a deck, reaving the backyard, and getting significant work done on the front porch.

It doesn't feel like enough.

There's this thing inside me that tells me that I should be in a relationship, that somehow I'm broken if I'm not, or maybe I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me? And I know that's not real, it's just some weird programming thing, a legacy of a society that insists that you must be romantically involved, or if not you must actively be searching for libidinal fulfillment.

I've got no problem with lubricating my libido, but the non-performance clause in my contract makes me think that my time could be better spent. As it is, what forays I have made into the Realm of Romancia have been... while not exactly disastrous, certainly not what I would choose were I to be choosing my own adventures.

Thing is, I do choose my own adventures, at least to a point.

There is a large banded oaken door in front of you. What do you do?

> listen

Behind the door, you hear the screaming of a thousand tortured souls. From beneath the door comes a wisp of yellowish smoke and the smell of brimstone. What do you do?

> run away

Like a coward, you run away intact. The demon-goddess denied roars in frustration and vows to swallow your soul another time.

Maybe it's just me. Other people seem to be very well-adjusted and happy in their relationships. Not everyone, but a significant number. And those who aren't-- those who have been romantically out in the cold for an extended period of time-- there doesn't seem to be any real rhyme or reason to it. I know some really creative and talented guys that seem to be unlucky in love, and I know some single women that should be attached in the world that I find "normal".

I think what I find in common is that the guys are "nice guys, but there's just no chemistry".

Ah, the elusive chemistry.

Interesting article here.

Charisma. Confidence. Not smelling bad. Having a modicum of social skills. Being in relatively decent shape. Being in the big part of the curve. Being active in the areas that the target of your affections would be active.

Hell, I don't know. I'm not leaving the house ever again.
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