Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

( Chicken Salmonella )

3 boneless skinless chicken breasts (can substitute pork loin, but it's not kosher)

6 eggs (large or larger)

Spices as desired. I'd recommend garlic and pepper and just a touch of cinnamon.

Vegetable oil

Apple cider vinegar

Prepare two glass bowls. The bowls should be the same diameter and have a lip so you can fit one over the top of the other and have a seal. Put 'em in the dishwasher and make sure they're clean and on the heat dry cycle (unless you have a handy autoclave).

Take the bottom bowl and add a bead of vegetable oil around the rim. (The top bowl goes over the top; the oil acts as a seal.)


Break eggs into the bottom bowl. Add spices and mix thoroughly, but do not whip.

Unpack the chicken; save the chicken juice.

Cube the chicken breasts with a well-seasoned knife. Oiling the blade may help.

Add the cubed chicken and the chicken juice to the eggs and mix thoroughly.

Place the top bowl on the top of the bottom bowl. It should seal. If you want you can put some masking tape overlapping the edge.

Place the bowls in the oven, and do not preheat. Turn on the oven light. Leave in the oven for three days to check the progress.

After three days, remove from the oven but do not break the seal. Look for some whitish tendrils starting to form under the surface; if there are circular blotches growing on top, you're hosed.

Once you see just tendrils, put the concoction back in the oven and keep the light on. Ideal temp in the oven is about 86 degrees, but room temperature works-- it just takes a little longer.

Keep in the oven for 10 days to 2 weeks until the concoction has an even whitish pasty look with reddish pools of clear fluid forming. At this point, break the seal (probably best to do that outdoors) and strain the chicken through a coarse strainer. Rinse the chicken gently but thoroughly, lay out on a paper towel.

Rinse the top bowl and put the chicken in it; cover the chicken with apple cider vinegar. The real stuff is best, but the flavored stuff will work. (The chicken may start to bubble or foam a bit, that's normal.) Cover.

Soak the chicken/vinegar combo overnight in the refrigerator.

When you're ready to cook, heat a wok or griddle. Use cocnut oil-- it doesn't burn as easy.

Cook the chicken cubes, make sure to brown them solidly.

Use in stir-fry, salads, whatever.**

**It may actually kill you a horrible, nasty, violent anal-spewing death if you do it wrong, much like fugu, except fugu overdose will paralyze your nervous system and cause cessation of breathing. However once you've done it, you are one of an elite group of people. and have huge balls. Literally, they will swell up and possibly explode. Even if you don't die. And then there's the severe intestinal damage.


And now for something completely different.


I really want a chocolate cupcake.

I have frozen sugar-free Jell-O. It was an experiment.

Never freeze sugar-free Jell-O.
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