1. When was the last time you had sex?
Wow-- depends on what you mean. There is a rather large contimuum of activity that could be construed as sex, but if we're talking your basic intercourse, it's been years. If we're talking president-and-the-intern kind of play, maybe six months. Hey, doesn't that mean I'm due?
2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
The same way I do it in private, but with more applause.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Yes, but never out of the car.
4. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it.
Patience. Money. Gas.
5. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
Closest I've come lately is William Petersen (Grissom from CSI)
6. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Hmm... lately, chicken. Don't eat pizza anymore though, but the toppings are good.
7. Do you crack your knuckles?
No. I crack your knuckles. Some people find it annoying.
8. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
The Barney theme.
9. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No. Fuck off.
10. What are your super powers?
I have the ability to see really lame things in the future, like what you will have for dinner in a couple of weeks.
11. Peppermint or Spearmint?
The pointy one. Either works I guess, different flavors. Spearmint goes better with meats.
12. Where are your car keys?
Right over there next to my wallet.
13. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
The intern from #1 above. And she needs to tell me in person. After.
14. What's your most annoying habit?
Licking other people's ears clean.
Well, it's annoying to them more than me.
15. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Dick Cheney. Before he dicks you.
16. What is your best physical feature?
I don't know, there are so many to choose from.
17. What CD is closest to you right now?
I have no idea. There are some CD-ROMs in a drawer, but for music I have files on the computer and internet radio. Currently I'm listening to 96.5 the Buzz out of Kansas City.
18. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Cold air, various sauces, stuff I don't remember ever putting in the refrigerator.
Food items that I usually have: Slim-Fast shakes, heads of lettuce, some kind of cheese.
19. Black Cat in your path BAD or who cares?
Depends on the cat. Hungry panther = bad.
20. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
Rarely. And I have a headset when I do.
21. What OCD qualities do you have?
Well, since I'm not actually diagnosed OCD, I'd say none. I do get into habits, particularly in the morning autopilot mode, but I don't really have classic symptoms of OCD at all. ADD, maybe.
22. What do you do when no one is watching?
If I told you, it wouldn't be secret.
23. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would play you?
24. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Peacefully, in my sleep. Like my grandfather. Not kicking and screaming, like the passengers in his car.
25. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
I don't really miss candy, so I'll say "girls".
26. What is your favorite kids' movie?
Something by Pixar. Probably anything by Pixar.
27. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Some construction materials, kitty litter, a couple of gobo arms, bungee cords, a dead toddler, some washer fluid, diet Coke.
28. What is your favorite all time sports team?
A tie between the Swedish Bikini Team and the Romanian Woman's Gymnastics and Hot Tub team.
29. What was the last thing you threw up?
Food. Saturday. Do you really want more detail?
30. What is the best picture you have in your possession?
Probably one that I took.
31. Have you ever had a private maid?
Depends on what you mean by "had".
No, wait, it doesn't. No.
32. What is the last thing you regret purchasing?
I dunno, a lifetime supply of condoms?
33. What is your favorite episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air?
The one where the aliens land and take over the minds of everybody and the giant sattelite dish comes out of Cartman's ass.
34. What is your favorite line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?
"Would you like a mint?"
35. Does anyone have any blackmail on you?
Is there anything that I have kept secret?
36. What do you think of Pee Wee Herman?
Underrated and unlucky.
37. Have you been to a strip club?
No. I always go in.
38. Do you like tan lines?
Depends on what they're on.
39. What is the last bet you lost?
I think playing strip poker with my ex-wife.
40. Would you date someone that none of your friends liked?
I wouldn't date someone because none of my friends liked her, but I wouldn't discount someone out of hand. It's difficult to see how I'd hang around anybody that was universally reviled by my friends, since I'd most likely be dating someone from among my friends (or at least introduced to me by a friend).