Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

I really feel like writing, like spilling my guts out onto the page, but I know that to do so would likely cause me some pain and embarrassment down the road.

I mean, isn't that what LiveJournal is for in the first place?

So instead I shall simply quote lyrics from obscure emo songs that feel poignant and pretend that I am an boi.

Yeah, right.

I am intrigued that the questions that I would ask are ones that I answer for myself. I don't need to ask for advice on this one; I know my approach and what I am comfortable with. And I know the outcome already: I am an acquired taste, much like stinky foot cheese or Irish wine.

It's time. That in and of itself is meaningless; what is meaningful is that that is a symptom rather than a root cause or an arbitrary decision. I can remember an original in-the-heat-of-emotional-distress decision that I would finish a movie before being ready to date again. And a movie is indeed finished, though not in the same way as I was originally thinking. I think this has flipped some sort of switch in my head, or has given me something concrete to stand on and say "Hey, I've actually accomplished one of my life goals" when the self-worth ferryman comes to collect.

Does it change much? Yes and no. I'm still very far from being from my physical body shape goals, and that is an important piece of the puzzle. But at the same time it is somehow less important than it was, partly because of some restored confidence in my ability to actually achieve something and complete a long-term project, and partly because I have something else in my win column now that is not superficial.

I'm actually almost feeling well-adjusted. It's weird.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment