Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

Mister tummy is being cranky today. Not entirely sure why, but at this point it's hardly meaningful. There's the possibility it's flu symptoms since there is also achiness and a bit of the dizzy, but it seems to be at a maintainable level. Uncomfortable, but not explosively bad.

Spent some time on tool maintenance last night, namely wheelbarrows. I need to reinflate the wheel on the single-wheel one, and I really should sandblast and repaint the interior, but I'm not sure it's worth doing that much work on since it's gonna get eroded and rust again anyway. For now, I sanded and polysaturated the wood handles to help prevent the weathering that inevitably happens and to try and slow the damage.

Thinking a lot about relationships lately (I suppose I might be better off talking about times when I don't think about relationships, but that's just being cynical). Something I've noticed lately is that everyone is messed up to some degree, even the folks that I've always just assumed had it all together. Maybe that's not a bit revelation to you, but it really took me by surprise, or more precisely, it was the extent of the messed-up-ness that surprised me.

When we get into relationships, are we expecting the other person to be complete and whole? Stable? Are we expecting maybe a few glitches, but nothing major?

I think about when I write stuff here, I tend to be pretty open about inner details of my emotional life. I'm damaged in a few ways, but hopefully not insanely far gone, and considering that it's likely that a woman that I might end up dating is probably gonna be rather internet savvy, she's goinna be able to read all about the skeletons in my closet and the bodies buried under the staircase in the basement.

To me, this is a lot in the intetrest of full disclosure, or as close to it as I want to get online. It's actually pretty close to everything: there are a few secrets that I don't share publicly, but they're pretty few. I know that it means I come across as imperfect and a bit neurotic at times, but I'd rather be up front about that in a WYSIWYG fashion.

Yet I have to wonder if this is a turn-off for some of the hot babes that would otherwise be interested (because there are many of them that lurk in the shadows, you know). I think of how I would react to reading the blog of a hot geek babe that I was all attracted to if she was as open about stuff as I was, and whether I'd be as attracted to her if I knew about her fear of spiders or her occasional intestinal difficulties, or her insightful introspection about her past relationships.

Ah, crap, of course I'd be more attracted to her. It's not even really a question, it's the ability to communicate and play with words, and the willingness to be open and actually have some depth, the willingness to risk being open and the potential for embarrassment that comes with it.

I don't always try to put my best foot forward. I put whatever foot happens to be leading at the time. And really, if that ends up being a turn-off, it's pretty likely that it would be even more of a turn-off in a personal relationship.

So yeah, love me for who I am, or get de fuck out.
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