Sunday nights always seem like this lately. I don't want to go to sleep because I know that in the morning I have to get up and go to work, and work is rather antithetical to the fantasy life I lead on weekends. And despite the almost constant attention of StoopiKitty wanting to either be petted or drink from the bathtub faucet, I'm feeling really alone again. Naturally.
I think though that I've gone beyond remembering or understanding what a relationship is about. Oh, I can google "relationship", and find a bunch of stuff on how to deal with problems
Childhood, Sexual ...
Addiction and Co-addiction
Alcohol, drug, sex, gambling ...
Counselling and Therapy
Online advice, therapists, organizations ...
Recovery and Codependency
Codependency, organizations, techniques...
Affairs, books, marriage, divorce, dating, personals, non-monogamous, same-sex...
Yet that is pretty damn far away from the thing that I think I miss. I seem to remember a warmth, a closeness, a togetherness; words aren't adequate to describe, or maybe it's diminishing in my memory enough that I can't remember enough of it to describe anymore.
It's just words.
Maybe if I wait long enough the memory will fade completely, and I won't feel empty.
Or perhaps if I drink enough or take enough drugs, it will run away.
Or maybe not.