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Includes non-erotic textual sexual content (no pics). Pass on by if that's not yer thang.

Note: yes, I realize that by putting this out there, I open myself up to a lot of ridicule and scorn, but it's also something that's been weighing heavily on my mind for a while and I want to be able to not hide from it anymore.

One of the less desirable side effects of the antidepressant meds that I've been taking is a reduced sex drive. That actually sounds simple, but it's not, and it's not exactly accurate either. It's more sporadic than that, and it affects different things differently.

For instance, I hit on something purely by accident (link from a link) that just turned me into a raging horn-dog for about the past 15 minutes or so, like at the exclusion of almost everything else. That's difficult when you're at work and trying to concentrate on something. And it was completely unexpected, as it just came in out of the blue, and whammy!

I'm better now, but I did save the link for future reference. :)

But the wonkier downside is that it also affects erectile function. And they don't necessarily sync up.

Right now it's not exactly a huge problem-- I'm not exactly keeping Mister Stubby well-exercised-- but there are times when it would be nice to take him out for a stroll around the park, and when he just doesn't want to play, it gets frustrating.

(Sorry for the metaphor there, but I'm trying to not be graphic.)

A few weeks ago, I decided to stop taking the antidepressants, and I ended up going back on them because of the original symptoms that caused me to go on them in the first place. It's a tradeoff between depression and anxiety and sexual frustration, and sexual frustration loses.

Usually it doesn't bother me as much, but when the whammy comes, it comes hard.

Er... well, you know what I mean.

It's also complicated by the diabetes, and some damage that was caused by a bad infection a few years ago. No, not that kind of infection. And yes, it does affect my dating resolve. Because as much as it shouldn't matter, it does.

Are there things I can do?

Short answer is yes. Long answer is "wow, that's a loaded question".

For my own gratification (and since I'm not currently sharing Mister Stubby's Playtime, that is kind of primary), it's hit-and-miss (I won't go into detail because either you don't want to hear that level of detail, or you want to hear in a lot more detail than I want to go into here, and there is a better time and place for that kind of thing). Choosing the right time, the right enticements, the right mood is critical.

For the gratification of my partner, there are certainly more creative options, and I am well-versed in more than a few of them. However, there is a psychological component, a barrier on both sides that says if you can't get it up, you're not a real man. That is the message that sells a lot of Viagra, and it's not just men that have that impression.

(And yes, I have tried Viagra. I have a prescription should I need it, but the effects are sometimes more frustrating than they are sproingy. It seems to be a lot more having to do with timing and mood again.)

So for me to take on a partner, it has to be somebody who is understanding of my "special needs" little pal. And you know, that's just not good first-date material. It's also not real good for random sexual encounters, not that I'm busting at the seams with random sexual encounters, but the dream is nice.

It's not without a bit of trepidation that I talk about this, as it is something that I've kept pretty private for a while. There are a few friends who know-- a few more now I suppose-- but in general I've kept it private.

But if I don't talk about it, who will?

So yeah. Open to questions, I guess.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 8th, 2006 09:07 pm (UTC)
jeepers, hon, none of this is uncommon.

the manfella of mine this past weekend had those kinds of issues of hardness and whatnot. I made it clear, via telling him and then really being with him, that it doesn't matter.
at all.

we're here together and we want this. we will get off, however creatively, I will learn your body and you will learn mine and you will show me how to please you and I will do it.

and Jody was effected similarly due to meds. he did like viagra (i know a whole bunch of raver ecstasy kids who all, girls too, take viagra for sex cos MDMA kind of deflates a lot of men. not all of them, ps), so we had that but more often we did not have that.

and when making love, when fucking somebody you love, everything is ok. it is.
Aug. 8th, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC)
and ps, jeezis, I like you a lot.
Aug. 8th, 2006 10:05 pm (UTC)
I have heard two repeated opinions of Viagra. What you said, and the "17 year old wood" opinion. No one seems to be in the middle on Viagra.

I think that you're the type to rationally know that anyone can use his fingers or his tongue or a wiggley bit of plastic is just fine by any reasonable girl's standards.

Such a reasonable girl wouldn't even need to be in love, she'd only need to be willing to try to have slightly out of the ordinary fun, and you'd need an out of the ordinary girl anyway because dippy, ordinary women don't dig corpses all over the house.

Rational understanding or not, it still sounds frustrating in more than one sense of the word and that sucks. I hope you find a balance for things.
Aug. 8th, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC)
...just fine by any reasonable girl's standards...

In the short or even medium term perhaps, but in the long term it seems to become an issue. And there's a "you must not be attracted to me" vibe that I've run into more than once.

Balance would be good.
Aug. 8th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC)
And there's a "you must not be attracted to me" vibe that I've run into more than once.

Are you dating 19 year olds?! Jeebus, I thought damn near everyone outgrew such idiocy by age thirty.

Well, I promise that there are some women who can just take your word for it and not play the "Even though you said you like me and we're both naked right now, obviously we need to have a deep emotional discussion right now about why you obviously don't like me."

But see, maybe that fits in with my definition of "reasonable girl". :)

Aug. 8th, 2006 11:08 pm (UTC)
Other kinds of medication can have the same effect. As long as I am reassured that the lack of erection doesn't indicate lack of interest, it's all good. If I say, "Does this feel good?" and the other party says, "Yes", I'll keep doing what I'm doing until it's his turn.

No, it's not first-date discussion material. Maybe third date, after she tells you that the pill makes her insane, so she prefers condoms, and BTW she has no gag reflex.
Aug. 9th, 2006 04:36 pm (UTC)
Are there other side-effects you're getting, or does the medication do a great job otherwise? If not, look into the other antidepressants out there. Don't settle for meds that don't fit the bill, unless it's the best one for you.

My mom went through a 6-year run of "not quite right" before she found one that worked.
Aug. 9th, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)
BTW, even if it IS great otherwise, there still be one that's better.

Sex is too important to give up without a fight.
Aug. 9th, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
Sex is too important to give up without a fight.

I've not given up, it just has to change a little.
Aug. 9th, 2006 05:47 pm (UTC)
Right now, that is *the* side effect, or at least the one that I notice. It's possible that I'm not seeing others because my perceptions are changed by the medication, but I'd need others to see that anyway.

At this time, the positives outweigh the negatives. I'm working on lowering the dosage to see if that helps.
Aug. 9th, 2006 11:15 pm (UTC)
I'll cross my fingers for you.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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