Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

So I went this morning and got my free Playstation III. Didn't have to wait in line or anything.

How did I do it?

Simple. I waited until one of the kids that had been camping in line for days got his system and was heading out to his mom's minivan, and I beat the crap out of him and took it.

I'm just not that excited about gaming consoles. The last one I had was an Atari Jaguar, which was fun but really kind of limiting. I have a PS/2 in a box with a DDR pad waiting for me to set up an exercise room, but really that's more a piece of exercise equipment than a gaming console.

Really, if I want to play a game, I'll use my PC. I have much better control with a mouse and WASD keys than the controller pad, and I can play on a high-definition monitor (1280 x 1024 looks pretty nice, yes?) with some pretty amazing sound.

I suppose if I had a large high-def home theater setup with keyed sound, environmental surround, and tactile-sensate subwoofer, I might consider it. Then again, if I actually could afford all that, I'd probably hire some homeless person to wait in line for me, or possibly some thug to beat the crap out of a 12-year-old and take his system. Or maybe just buy one on ebay.

Really, I don't get the absolute NEED TO HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW. There aren't a whole lot of things that I would camp out in line for days to wait for.

Then again, I don't have children. No, Stumpy, No Tidbit, you won't be getting a Playstation III for Christmas this year, Daddy doesn't want to wait in line for days. Maybe if you ask Santa really nice he'll get you one. Oh, Santa didn't bring you one this year? I guess you must have not been good enough. Now shut up and eat your broccoli.

No, I'm never having children; why do you ask?

I got a phone call this morning that was from a solicitation company that was calling asking for money for terminally ill children. The woman on the phone was obviously reading from a script, and reading badly: I could barely understood what she was saying. I put on my best Mr. Burns voice and offered the following:

"Underpriveleged children who are dying, eh? Do any of them have any useful organs for harvesting?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Organs for harvesting. I could use a new pancreas, and my liver could use a good spruicing."

"Sir, what we're asking for is money to help buy these children needed medical care."

"Ah. I must have misunderstood. I thought you said they were terminally ill. I don't want to take the organs of children who will get better, that would be unethical."

"Sir, I don't..."

"Unless perhaps it was one of those redundant organs, like a kidney, or perhaps part of a liver. Can you take a part of the liver out of say three or four of the healthier children and make one complete liver?"

She hung up on me about then. I think that means I win.
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