Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

  • Mood:

Feelings

I'm feeling intensely anti-social today.

I've had to take a harsh look at parts of my life this last weekend, and discovered that some parts of my life that I thought were doing okay were not. And that part of why they weren't doing okay was because of my inability to perform to someone else's expectations.

So suddenly I have "performance issues". And that makes me cranky.

Will I get over it? Probably. But at this point, it has changed some characteristics of a certain interpersonal relationship for the worse, and a recovery does not seem particularly imminent.

I know it's my own problem. Solving it isn't something that I can do quickly, and it may not be possible at all. And it will take a tremendous amount of work and require a long-term change in my lifestyle.

Or I could be more self-centered and say that I don't feel like responding to the expectations of others. I have my own expectations of myself, and really, if I had expectations of others in the same way, I would get disappointed a lot.

So today I feel like being bitter and cranky. Fuck off.
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