Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

tee hee

Get one of your own! by Drunken Hero

magicmarmot is being stalked on Livejournal!

molasses is stalking magicmarmot
molasses’s REAL name : Maryam Asher
molasses’s REAL DOB : 17th September 1983
Height :158 cm Weight : 42.4 kg
molasses has dreamt about you : 21 times
molasses became interested in you : 12th June 2005
molasses’s latest dream about you
You are stranded with molasses on a deserted island and your stalker is trying to coax you towards sex by hoarding all of the food and refusing to give you any until you give in to their wishes.
This is how molasses describes your relationship behind your back
‘Whenever I pass magicmarmot’s in the street, part of me wants to shout ‘Just Fuck me now baby!'’
molasses’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
You know the way all of your baby teeth mysteriously disappeared? Well molasses has them.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In a vain attempt to impress you molasses walked into a piercing studio and got everything pierced including their nose, chin, genitals and lip.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
I’d do anything for you. I’d give you the world if I owned it. But all I own is a Volkswagen Polo and a couple of STD’s.

The Police
No. calls to the police : 27 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hi, police? Yeah, I’d like to report a crime. Some mad fuckers just shovelled shit into our mailbox. I think it’s this person I know from the internet called molasses. Yeah, real mad son of a bitch. Can’t seem to understand that I just don’t like ‘em."
molasses’s Police File
molasses would be a nothing more than a loveable rogue if it were not for their love of samurai swords.

Testimonies about molasses
lexinatrix - Worn out Musician
‘You think you know a person and then something like this comes out of the blue. Fuck that, I’m becoming a recluse.’
vorrant - Long-haul trucker
‘I’ve been friends with molasses all of my life and I know all of this is bullshit. magicmarmot is such a drama queen.’
dewey921 - Naked Meglomaniac
‘Surprise Surprise, molasses’s a dirty fucker? Tell me something different.’


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