Last night, I dreamt that I was attractive and self-confident, and it made all the difference in the world. It was back in college, and I was young and spry and full of piss and vinegar, and things went perfectly for me. And I ended up with a really attractive woman (actually someone who I was friends with back then), and it turned into a sex dream, the details of which I shall leave out for the TMI factor.
Considering that, I find it odd that the number of relationships that I see and hear about have so many level of dysfunction, and nearly all of them have to do with communication. Letting your needs and wants be known to your partner, and listening to theirs and being more receptive to them.
It certainly complicates things when you add another partner like the polyfolk do. I am at a loss to understand the dynamics of a multipartner relationship.
I have come to believe that a good relationship can only be based on emotionally healthy individuals. I don't know if that's true or not, but most relationship failures that I know about (and have experienced) were pretty directly attributed to people not being able to handle events in an emotionally mature way. And I have been guilty of the same thing, though I try not to be.
But what if you are already in a relationship, and for whatever reason your emotional health deteriorates. Does this put the relationship at risk?
I'm thinking it does.
So how do you go about maintaining emotional health? Is there some emotional pilates program, or something like tai-emo to kick your emotional ass into becoming strong and capable again?
And a side question: when you are in a committed relationship, do you retain some secrets? Or do you open up everything to your partner?
Considering that, I find it odd that the number of relationships that I see and hear about have so many level of dysfunction, and nearly all of them have to do with communication. Letting your needs and wants be known to your partner, and listening to theirs and being more receptive to them.
It certainly complicates things when you add another partner like the polyfolk do. I am at a loss to understand the dynamics of a multipartner relationship.
I have come to believe that a good relationship can only be based on emotionally healthy individuals. I don't know if that's true or not, but most relationship failures that I know about (and have experienced) were pretty directly attributed to people not being able to handle events in an emotionally mature way. And I have been guilty of the same thing, though I try not to be.
But what if you are already in a relationship, and for whatever reason your emotional health deteriorates. Does this put the relationship at risk?
I'm thinking it does.
So how do you go about maintaining emotional health? Is there some emotional pilates program, or something like tai-emo to kick your emotional ass into becoming strong and capable again?
And a side question: when you are in a committed relationship, do you retain some secrets? Or do you open up everything to your partner?
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magicmarmot- Tom Ramcigam
- Magic Marmot Studios
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I think that having meaning in your life -- a sense of grounding -- can help retain emotional help. But I also think that there's parts of it you can't control.
I have no material secrets from my husband. For one thing, he's known me too long -- I couldn't keep any if I tried. And he was there for all the dumb stuff I did. I do not believe he has any material secrets from me. And we tell each other exactly what we're thinking and feeling. When that's not good, we identify what's wrong, whether anything can be done to fix it, and if so, we try to fix it.
He knows about the important things I have done in the past and do now.
I keep wishing for some stereotypically wonderful woman to come in and make everything easier. Rescue fantasies do not indicate an emotional center firing on all cylinders.
I think this is going to be a key question for a lot of us.
Emotional health is not an absolute. In most of my relationships, my partner and I tend to cycle in and out of who is stronger and saner. As long as I have faith that there will be long-term balance, I'm okay. When I feel like there is a long-term-imbalance, well, I have to rethink the relationship.