I want to write, but some of the things I want to write are just silly. It's like my brain got switched with the brain of an adolescent, and he wants to play videogames with a high boobie-jiggle factor. And frankly, I'm not a boob man.
Don't get me wrong, boobs are nice, but there are just so many other facets to be admired.
I really dig intelligent women. But intellect probably doesn't activate the prawning adolescent inside me. On a plain looks level, hair and eyes have always been number one, but in the past couple of years, I've become a butt man. And legs.
But something hit me from someone I know the other day. Someone who I consider physically attractive certainly, but it was the way she moved that really completely got my attention. She was completely emotionally exhausted from dealing with a lot of issues, and I caught her at a time when her guard was down, and I was just mesmerized. It was like she went from being reasonably attractive to just plain flat-out sexy in nothing flat. And I was taken aback, and somewhat speechless.
I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it, and I don't know when I will. She isn't one for e-mail, and I think she may be upset by the idea that I find her sexy. Particularly after her having to deal with the stuff she was dealing with.
Which bugs me. I'd like to be able to talk with her about stuff like this. But I am suddenly conflicted, because I don't know if my own feelings are a little suspect as well. I certainly am not in the market for a relationship with her, for any number of reasons. I'm not looking for a fling with her, though I think that I wouldn't say no if it suddenly came up (like I wouldn't say no to winning the lottery).
But I am feeling something more than a platonic friend kind of attraction, and it's bugging the hell out of me.
And you know, she's not the only one. This has been happening more and more in the last ten months or so, and I'm a little weirded out by it. It's making it dificult to have conversations.
So maybe it's something that I'm trying to replace in my life that's missing. Or maybe it's a reaction to medication. Or maybe it's a midlife crisis. I don't know.
But it's annoying.