I got a response back from the movie that I backed out of. It was very disappointed, but understanding. Apparently other things have hit the production (more the producer) that are more critical life-wise, and it seems unlikely that the production will be going forward soon anyway.
Back on the bike last night, which propogated the low blood sugar episode of the evening. The other plans for the evening were thwarted, and I pretty much folded after that. I did watch House, and had a messy reaction to the girl. Part of me wants to explore that, that thing in me that wants to protect, to hold and keep safe-- because I don't like it, and I really don't like being able to be manipulated by it.
Another part of me-- the part that evidently rides shotgun-- wants to pull back, because it sees this as a vulnerability, a weakness that can be exploited. So it pours goo over everything emotional, hides it, makes it more difficult to get to.
I want to play naked. Not gonna happen soon, since when I feel vulnerable, I turtle. And lo, today I am coated with the goo of invulnerability.