I've felt pretty solid the last couple of days. Some soul-searching earlier in the week (lots of alone time in the hot tub) had led me to think that with all the time I spend complaining I could actually be doing something.
I have some projects going on that I have had on hold for quite a while, pending other people's projects. Necessary, for work. Getting paid is a good thing. I wish it didn't have to be.
So what of the entrepreneurial spirit? I'd love to sit and create and make things and be able to sell enough of them to make a comfortable living. I'd probably end up making toys-- expensive toys-- or movies. The things I enjoy doing.
I find myself wanting to make a horror film, not so much for the film itself but for the fun of being able to shoot the special effects and props. It's where this combination of photography, computers, horror, and propmaking all kind of come together. If life were ideal, I would probably have an effects-heavy film studio.
But it's not. I don't think the local economy can support a full-scale effects studio. Look at Minnefex. They do wonderful things, but they have to take on a lot of ad work to keep them afloat.
And the money really isn't the most important thing. But it is AN important thing.
And maybe I should consider moving to Austin or Vancouver or some other place where film is more centered, but I don't think that location is much going to matter anymore. And really, I want to be the prime creator of something.
It's the main reason that I have never taken photography to a commercial level. I'm good enough, certainly. But if I go commercial, it becomes a job. I have to start being creative on schedule, and the work I do becomes fodder for other people. I much prefer to be in the moment and work with my friends in a more relaxed atmosphere than clamp on to what somebody else wants.
Photography for me is a nice way of escaping the world of the mundane. When I get behind the camera, I cease to exist as a person, and become a part of the camera. My mind goes into form and composition and lighting, and it loses touch with everything else.
The same kind of thing happens on the set of a movie (or TV show), but in a different manner. While the kind of photography I do tends to be rather intimate and one-on-one, a movie set is a gregarious beast, bustling with a bunch of people and a kind of raw energy that doesn't exist anywhere else I've ever seen. Each person has their job to do, and they do it, and the end result can be amazing. Or it can be crap, but the process of getting there is one of the best experiences I have ever had.