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Smooth as a baby's pancreas

I ain't never been proper smooth with the ladies; I'm more of a big lovable goofball, which has it's own charms. Downside is that I rarely get taken seriously, and if I want to be, I have to work extra hard at it. And frankly, my energy levels just ain't what they used to be once upon a bull moon, so I more'n likely just give up and go on my merry way.

T'aint no such thing as fallin' in love no more. There's maybe a little of fallin' in like, but it ain't like it was when I was young and my pecker had a mind of his own; now it's more like he ain't got a mind at all. He's like an ol' yeller dog just a-sleepin' on the porch, minus the rabies and all. He likes to be petted ever once in a while, and get his tummy rubbed, but he just ain't interested in chasin' after squirrels and rabbits and the like.

(I hope y'all don't mind my talkin' about my pecker like that, I mean we're all friends here, and pretty much adults in the overall scheme of things. I've seen some o' you ladies talkin' about yer snatches in not-so-flatterin' terms from time to time, and I'm not talking about any kind of fluid leakage here, so I think I'm safe.)

Speakin' of fluid leakage, I had to fill the gas tank on the 'Sploder yesterday. T'aint pleased with that rather sphincter-puckerin' ordeal, as the beast has a 20-gallon tank. I'll let you do the cipherin', 'cause you know the gas prices. Thing is, during one of the stops that I made, I noticed some steam risin' up from under the hood, and I traced it down to a faulty vacuum solenoid for the heater system. Gotta work on that, as well as workin' on the driver-side windows, maybe this weekend dependin' on the weather. Sure as shit ain't drivin' noplace for vacation.

Well, I'm stayin' pretty busy. Got lots and lotsa stuff needin' to be done, and it's sorta my reason for existence these days. In a way, it's just to keep myself distracted, it's just that the reasons for needin' to be distracted've changed.

Time and energy. Both runnin' out.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 23rd, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
I have the feeling you're perfectly smooth with your women.
May. 23rd, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
Well, I do shave...
May. 23rd, 2007 06:35 pm (UTC)
you shave yer wimmen?
full service!
May. 23rd, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
walkin' the dog
I know...


Let me know if you ever get drunk enough and or desperate enough to pass out and let me pet your puppy. :) YOU can tell everyone I slipped you some date-Rape drug.

I'll get street cred with my hommies and your dog will remember what he's missing. :)
Just remember to wash it first. Last time it tasted like feet and nacho cheese.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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