Okay-- so one of the ways that I avoid dealing with my crippling emotional pain is to keep myself busy with projects. This is completely borne out by the facade, in that I have had no real time to devote to introspection or chasing down the demons that haunt my inner brain. Of course, I really haven't had time for anything else either, and I know that after the con I'm gonna be spending some time on cleanup and restoration of some semblance of order to the Big Broken Box™.

It's not like I don't have a lot to handle after that-- there is a bunch of stuff in the queue-- but one of the really nice things that I'm looking forward to is taking some "me" time.

I'm not sure I really know how to do that.

And I suspect that I may sabotage that idea anyway by keeping the list of things-to-do going eternally.

Thinking about getting a medium-sized inflatable pool. 'Nards has one that's ten feet across and 30 inches deep for less than 40 bucks. The next bigger size is 13 feet and 36 inches deep, but it's ninety-some bucks, and I can't really justify that kind of cash outlay. The smaller one is sort of hot-tubbish in size, and it would let me lazily float should I choose to, yet still be shallow enough that sitting and sipping mojitos is a possibility. It also has a filter with a pump, so making a solar heater and retrofitting it could be a fun weekend project.

There I go again. Imagine that.

Maybe I should hold off and just get the work done on the house that I need to. Then I can consider the whole exterior and think of doing a real deck and perhaps a patio.

(sigh.)

I can dream, can't I?