Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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I wanted to write about some personal angst-type issues that I'm having, but really my shit is pretty mild compared to issues that others are dealing with and I feel like a whiny little brat bringing it up.

So, just touching on some things:

I'm making progress in my life. A lot of personal healing, a lot of decision making, taking responsibility for things that I hadn't before. Progress on the house is mirroring a lot of those growth items, so there's a form of physical measurement. A year ago I was putting up the ledger board and walls, and things were looking up even then. Two years ago, I was shooting a movie. Cripes, it's been two years.

The Big Broken Box™ is becoming less broken. It's still a box, and it's a box full of *stuff*, but it's feeling like it's my house again, like it's no longer as much an adversary as a shelter, a domicile, a partner in sanctuary. It's like having tamed the wild dinosaur, at least to an extent.

Yes, there's still a long way to go, but I think I've passed the halfway point, at least with the porch. There are more projects (there are always more projects), but there is a certain kinship that I have with the porch project: it started off as something beyond my control, something unexpected and disastrous, and I've taken it from that to something better than was there originally. Certainly not on schedule or under budget (which is a separate issue for me) but there nonetheless.

Things I still need to work on:

Losing weight. Part of this is a discipline issue, and that's the part I need to work on.

Exercise. Ditto.

Cleaning and organizing. This is difficult because of the fatigue and exhaustion that I'm working through with the work on the house. At the end of the day, I'm just beat. Sometimes I'm even beat at the beginning of the day.

Getting rid of *stuff*. Still so bloody difficult. Moving Lauren in, we discovered trash that was over a year old up in the studio. Several big contractor bags full of trash later, there's still more.

Money management. While I'm TONS better at this than I have been in the past, I still need to be more proactive in budgeting and paying bills.

There is a lot of self-discipline issues wrapped up in that whole list. That's not exactly a surprise. Self-discipline has always been an issue for me, but in that becoming a human being thing, the part about taking responsibility for my own shite kind of forces the issue of dealing with things before they become bigger issues.

So, yeah, flawed, but with potential. In real-estate terms, I'm a fixer-upper.

Tags: self-musing
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