Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

Joy unto you, peace and serenity, you are not of the body, would you calm the fuck down already?

This week you'll come to realize that

Finished up the coding, fixed a last-minute bug, checked everything in. Waiting for the other guys to finish what they're doing for the next build so I can check it out on other systems.

In the meantime, I got a haircut. I'm all spiky and I look like I go really fast.

Watched a bit of TV last night, a PBS piece about Frida Kahlo. There was a lot of time spent on her ongoing relationship with her on-again/off-again husband Diego, and how this affected the various loves of her life. It came across that Diego treated her badly with his affairs and infidelity, and this colored not only the rest of her love life but her art as well.

I wanted to think that if it were me, I wouldn't treat her as badly as Diego did with his boisterous ego and rampant womanizing, but as much as I can't possibly know what the time and circumstances made of their lives, I can't possibly say that I would be the gallant knight either.

I spent a long time in a mostly monogamous relationship. While technically it was open, there was really very little outside play. Don't get me wrong, what there was was very nice, but I was basically monogamous for the vast majority of my adult life.

But as people change, so do relationships. What you may have found as the perfect match ten years ago may have worn off the shiny parts and exposed the cancerous rust and corrosion buried beneath the surface. Or maybe you've both grown, but in different ways, and you need different things than you did when you were younger.

Or maybe you have a good understanding of what you want and need in a relationship, but you discover that maybe those things that you like aren't embodied in just one person. Maybe there are two or three that captivate you, at least in part.

Or maybe you find someone who you find amazing in a lot of ways, but not in every way.

Dear magicmarmot

Looks DO matter when it comes to how attractive you are to a potential mate. Though when asked, both men and women may say looks are not at the top of their attraction list, what people actually do suggests differently.

We might agree that it's what's inside that counts. Dating advice (ours included) usually delves into what you wear, where you go, what you say or how you talk, your hair, makeup, how you act. But your general Health & Fitness (i.e. Diet & Exercise) is often left for columns specifically dealing with only that aspect of your life without relating it to relationships. Well, we're going do the integration starting with "Diet."

Two-thirds of American singles are overweight and even more are unfit. If you're one who's let your body go, then it may be affecting your ability to find a partner who will appreciate what's inside, and your ultimate success in finding love and romance.
The rest is cut for posterior.

And then I am riddled with doubt, as I really want to be the first, best choice for somebody, the primary as it were. And I don't know how well that particular crumpet fits into the great tea-time of polyamory, and whether I could handle the rift between the mental and emotional sides of jealousy and compassion.

A poly relationship in its basic form is a family. It's a family of choice rather than one of DNA bonds, and in that aspect it can ultimately be stronger and more cohesive than a typical family can be. However, it takes the right people, ones who are patient and understanding to a large degree, and IMHO larger than a "standard" relationship. You have to be patient and understanding with more people than you do with strict monogamy, because the relationship gains complexity geometrically when you add more people.

My doubt comes in because of my core insecurity. I'm better than I used to be, but I still have some basic insecurities that are tough to shake, mostly because they're completely irrational, and I am a very rational marmot. In fact, other than my insecurities, I'd say I'm damn near perfect!

Humble, too.

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