Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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There was a quiz that somebody pooped up (sageincave, I blame you) that was titled "why are you still single", or somesuch twitterpated noodling. It was pretty much a joke, but it got me thinking about singlehood and the associated baggage that comes with it.

First of all, there is this concept that if you're single, you are somehow broken. It's not held by everyone, but it seems to be the prevailing cultural norm, and it kind of pisses me off. I don't need someone else to complete me, as if I am somehow incapable of life on my own.

A lot of people are alone by choice, because they feel that being alone is preferable to being attached to someone else, that another person would either cramp their style, or otherwise get in the way of their life.

I'm not entirely of that camp. I know what it's like to be coupled, both tightly and loosely, and I know what it's like to be alone. They both have advantages and disadvantages, but they are both highly reactive to the people involved (or not involved as the case may be) and can't really be judged except in that context.

That being said, there are generalizations that can be made. Instance of, I prefer to be part of a comparable team than doing things entirely by myself. I also eschew drama, and collecting drama whores isn't my number one hobby.

So in a clamshell, I like being part of a couple, but I have high standards. And I prefer to be alone than being with the wrong person.

But then we come to the question of how do I find the right person, or how do I determine who is the right person vs. the wrong person?

Fuck you. That's how.

Okay, fine. You have to actually make an effort. You have to have some social context in which to experiment and play. You have to be willing to risk. You have to be willing to step outside of your usual playground and access some things that may throw you off-balance.

(Note here: if you're reading this for dating advice, please recognize what my credentials are, and act accordingly.)

For me, I have made a conscious choice to stay away from any serious dating for the time being. My reasons for this are fundamental, in that I feel that I need to be in a better place mentally, emotionally, and physically before I can be an acceptable partner in a relationship, and to attach to somebody before I could really be there for them just seems like a really bad idea, fraught with risk and calcite deposits.

The question of whether I will ever get there is certainly all nubbly, and not prone to being ignored. It's paired with the question of whether I should continue hiding away from the potential of love and biscuits.

Of course you shouldn't, you pinhead. Love doesn't work on a schedule. Biscuits might, but you can always get more biscuits.

Okay, more to that end, I have set goals for myself that I want to achieve before I will consider myself ready to do more than dip my toes in the dating pool.

(Side note: I do love the analogies that can be pulled out of "dating pool". If I ever get back on the horse enough to play water polo, you can be sure you will be treated to the full spectrum of them.)

So why am I single?

It's because I choose to be.

I'm not undatable. I'm not repellent (well, not to everyone). I'm kind, relatively charming, witty, creative, funny, generally pleasant, and most of the time I don't smell like a wet monkey.

But I'm unfinished. Like Buck's Unpainted Furniture. And I have that artist thing where I don't want people to judge my work before it's done. I am my own project, and I don't want to be a "fixer-upper".

But enough about me. Why do you think I'm single?
Tags: dating, relationshipship, self-musing

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