I feel like such a slug.
Today I spent doing basically nothing. I slept. I did e-mail. I jobsurfed and sent out some resumes. I watched Judge Judy. I napped. I ate. I did some more e-mail. I played flash mini-golf. I watched TV. I napped. I ate some more. I tried to convert some old video to a web-ready format.
Thing is, I should be doing something more constructive. I should be coding, or writing scripts, or designing hardware, or cleaning, or working on the house.
On one hand, I'm sick. I feel like crap enough that doing anything is uncomfortable, including sleep. But deeper than that, I find myself avoiding these things of responsibility.
Okay. I'm long-time stressed out. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's something that runs deeper that I haven't been able to identify.
Maybe I'm panicking. Maybe I've been panicking for so long, it's become my normal mode of operation.
I consider whether it's a rationalization. If it is, it's one that's buried deep. I can't get a handle on it, other than I have a deep-seated dissatisfaction with my life.
Big part is a lack of economic security. I should be independently wealthy, or at least on solid enough footing to stay ahead of the game. However, I don't know how to get there from here.
There once was a time when getting a solid tech degree and getting a job meant that you were set for twenty years. These days there is no such thing as job security: two million workers are on unemployment, the largest number in 20 years; 24% of them have been unemployed for more than six months. Companies are holding back on new product development because they are afraid of the risks in a bad economy and with the possibility of war.
All of these things should be motivating me. I know that I want to do these projects. Why do I not do them? What is causing me to avoid working on the things I should be working on?
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.