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I was having a discussion with a friend of mine last night about attraction. She is bisexual, and finds herself more attracted to women, but is more likely to be in a relationship with men. She is also a serial non-monogamist who is currently in a relationship (for the last two years) with a married man who hasn't told his wife. And although their relationship is supposed to be open, he is "uncomfortable" with her dating another man.

And I didn't offer to tell her to dump his ass. I think she's on that track already, as he has supposedly been going to divorce his wife for almost two years, and she finally gave him an ultimatum with a deadline. We will see if she keeps to it; I suspect she will cave in because she's in love.

And oh yeah-- he has a kid with the wife.

You know, I've seen the scenario before, but there are some real differences this time. The girl in question is very attractive and intelligent, and would have no problem getting another guy (or girl). I'm beginning to suspect that all appearances aside, she has issues of self-esteem and confidence.

And I am of course attracted to her, though a relationship is not in the cards... too much of an age difference, and I'm not her type.

But the discussion did bring around some interesting questions, like why are there so many more bisexual women than bisexual men?

And her attraction to women is based more around physical beauty, while men she finds attractive more for intelligence and humor. Which is not all that uncommon if you think about it, because women have historically been objects of attraction much more than men. Makeup, hairstyles, many more clothing options, the babes they have many more tools for bait than the male counterparts.

But there is something more there as well. In general, the shape of a woman is more aesthetically pleasing than the shape of a man. Women are more curvy, and they blend together, while men tend to be straigther and look like a mishmash of things thrown together.

Of course, some of us look like jello in a trash bag.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 3rd, 2003 06:37 am (UTC)
I have two theories, from the straight-woman's point of view.

1) Women are just sexier than men. (Or at least more sexualized.) So it's easier to be attracted to women, no matter your gender.

2) Women are more turned on by how sexy they are than how sexy their partner is. So the "sexiest" partner is the one who makes you feel sexiest. I have no evidence to back this up, just my own experience.
Dec. 3rd, 2003 07:04 am (UTC)
Here's my take...

I'm attracted to women because of the deep and soulful connection I can get from a woman that just isn't the same with a man.

I'm attracted to men in an admittedly instinctual way. I don't have a 'type' per se. I react to lizard-brain triggers which tell me "This one will bring down the wildebeest bare-handed" or "his offspring will survive" or something. I can't explain it beyond animal magnetism.

Given the deep emotional bond I've had with women in relationships, they are inherently more dramatic. The highs are higher, the lows are lower. My relationships with men are "easier" in that men tend to be less obscure in their communication style and less emotionally loaded.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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