The big question is whether I still want to avoid any romantic entanglements, and that's a complicated question.
There's a huge boost of self-confidence that I've been rimming through the past couple of weeks; things have gone well and have pointed out things to me hard enough that I could get them through my thick skull. I'm in a better place mentally and physically than I've been for a very long time... pretty much since before you have ever heard of me.
Emotionally? That's a whole different set of alligator boots. There's the possibility of unfounded glee and dashed hopes if I don't reign in my headlong gallop into woman-world, and nobody wants that, least of all me. I want to proceed with caution, but proceed indeed.
It's the entanglements part that scribes the dirty words on the walls of my psyche. I've managed to stay out of a lot of drama in the past couple of years, and it's been a nice respite. I have this feeling that any kind of a romantic relationship is gonna open up the doors to all that again, and I need to juggle whether it's something I'm willing to risk. I know it should be, but I just don't have the callouses on my cold, dead soul that I used to have.
There are also the physical and biological changes that I'm going through. I'm coming up on six months post-surgery, so I still have a year and a half of adjusting to go. With that adjusting comes altered moods and frameworks, changing body chemistry, the possibility of more surgery, all sorts of nifty arglebargle.
I should probably steady out a bit before plunging into a neckline somewhere.
