Wow. I don't have a table, and it would be kinda sad and lonely if I sat at the nonexistent table as if I had a family. Unless I put all of my skeletons around it and arranged them like my dead friends. That could be kinda fun.
What is your favorite kind of jelly?
Who would win out of a fight between Paris Hilton & Jessica Simpson?
Whoever was taking the bets. Or selling the admission.
What would you do if you could stop time?
Probably stop time. I'd likely fuck with people's heads a little, like move their car keys.
If you could make up a law, what would that law be?
That you can travel faster than the speed of light with a permit.
If you were a movie star and had to change your name what name would you pick?
Well, you asked.
If you could play for any sports team what team would you pick?
Women's hot tub team. I'd be the manager. And trainer.
If you could sell out one of your friends for a million dollars would you?
Do I get to pick the friend?
What would you do if you saw someone harm one of your kids?
Well, I don't have kids, so I will turn this into one of my pets. What would I do if I caught someone hurting my sweet pooch?
There are some very, very dark places in my mind. There are very few people who have ever seen even a shadow of that darkness. The person I caught would be one of them.
Do you think people treat you the way you should be treated?
Do you treat people the way they should be treated?
Most of the time. Occasionally I fuck up.
If you could get rid of one thing in the world what would it be?
The letter ''.
Whats one object you just couldn't live without?
Pretty much all things are *stuff*, and I can live without *stuff*. Perhaps not comfortably, but I'd live. If I had to pick the inanimate thing that I have the greatest attachment to, probably the computer.
What would you do if you saw a ghost?
Try and figure out how the effect was done.
What would you do if you saw an alien?
Call INS. Or Fox Mulder.
What would you do if you saw an angel?
Ask her for her phone number.
Describe the best date you have been on?
When I was living in the Gulag and Sasha came down to visit me. There was really good food, and some wine, and a little more booze, and massages, and being all touched and naked. There wasn't any sex. It was still amazingly nice.
Favorite candle scent?
You know, I've never really gone to a candle shoppe and smelled candles to figure out the favorite. I'd have to say some kind of a cross between cedar, sandalwood, and just a hint of musk. It's the whole werewolf thing.
Is it easy to confuse you?
Yes. Wait, no.
(Oh, come on, what else could I answer here?)
Have you ever fallen down stairs?
Many more times than I've fallen up stairs.
Do you know your parents wedding song?
You're assuming that my parents were married. And no.
Are you religious?
Well, I shower regularly, does that count?
Agnostic by trade, lapsed pagan by cracky.
How do you like your eggs?
Served by a hot naked blonde chick.
First alcoholic drink?
Of the day?
What's the story behind your display pic on myspace?
Once upon a time, there was this picture. The end.
It's not a very good story.
Favorite brand of clothing?
I do like Versace and Hugo Boss. Levi's jeans.
Do all good things come to an end?
Only to those who wait.
What is your earliest memory?
Fireworks out the bathroom window. I think I was four.
Do you know the Soulja Boy dance?
SO far from no.
Who do you support?
My fellow performers.
Any plans this weekend?
What cell phone do you have?
The green one, right there. LG ENV.
Do you watch far too much TV?
No, not really.
Who was your last text from?
Do you get along with your parents?
Don't see my dad much anymore since they won't let me bring the shovel back to the graveyard. I get along with mom okay, but there's a good reason for us living apart.
Anything you want to accomplish?
What, you want a list?
How many pillows do you sleep with?
Is "pillows" some kind of euphemism?
What do you find most of in your room?
Socks. Most of my socks are in my room. I also have a lot of DVDs and books in my room.
Who is your neighbor across the street?
Pete. He borrowed my cement mixer last year to build his patio.
What is your favorite method of exercise?
Getting it on with a hot blonde. Walking a lot works too, and I do that more often.
What is the longest you have been in the car for a roadtrip?
Probably 22 hours.
Who is your favorite celebrity ever?
Wow, this one changes all the time. I think Mila Kunis is pretty as hell, so she's a fave. I would have loved to have met Albert Einstein or Mark Twain. Dan Aykroyd was pretty damn cool when I met him.
What do you call it when you pass gas?
Paying the rent? I dunno, farting? Pooting? Speaking in tongues?
What would you like your tombstone to say?
GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE! I'M STILL ALIVE!
How often do you get a haircut?
As often as I need it. I need one soon.
What was the last cartoon you watched?
South Park, if that counts. If not, Family Guy.
What would you like to have for your next meal?
Tough question. It will probably be either yogurt, cottage cheese, or chili. What I actually want doesn't really play anymore, it's a lot more mechanical than that.
Ever rode a motorcycle?
If you could paint something on a water tower, what would it say?
Nobody would get the joke.