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Dating Advice from eHarmony

Understanding from whence it comes, some of this is interesting reading.



Regardless of how handsome or dashing they seem, there are men out there that just spell trouble when it comes to having a serious relationship. It’s not that they’re bad boys or heartbreakers; they’re just not commitment material.

Why, you ask? Well the answer basically comes down to lifestyle. Whether the “avoidables” know it or not, the way they live isn’t conducive to having a girlfriend. There’s just not enough room for a person of the opposite sex.


The good news is that unlike a lot of other “deal breakers,” the traits that make some men avoidable are completely…well, avoidable. All that’s needed is a reality check and some conscious decisions. Until then, we present 5 Types of Men that Women Avoid.

1) The Man-Child
This guy is clinging to his glory days when life was less complicated and responsibility was minimal. He’s obsessed with Guitar Hero, frequently attends keg parties and considers pizza one of the major food groups.

As a gateway back to youth, the Man-Child is fun for a date or two, but the problem is that he’s not going anywhere. This adolescent-adult has problems holding onto jobs and is more interested in living the life of a fraternity brother than making a serious commitment. Women are inclined to ditch The Man-Child until he grows up a little bit and learns to live life in the real world.

My score here? probably in the middle somewhere. I'm doing okay on my own and being responsible for life-stuff, and I'm not doing beer and pizza all the time. And I do have a steady job. But being responsible for stuff sucks.

2) The Roving-Eye Guy
This guy is constantly looking at every female but the one he’s with. He ogles the barrista, the woman at the bus stop, even his buddy’s wife, making his date feel inferior and unattractive. Most of us will agree that men are inclined to admire beautiful women (and vice versa) but let’s face it: Recognizing beauty and disrespectfully rubbernecking are two completely different things.

Constantly competing for your partner’s attention gets old really fast. If a man’s smarmy smile, inappropriate comments/gestures and keen interest in others are too distracting to the relationship, women pick up and move along. Even the most confident women want their men to treat them like they are the only one in the room.

My score? Again, somewhere in the middle. I do like to look at the ladies, but hopefully not to the extent of distraction. And when I'm with someone special, I prefer to be "with" her, and not hunting for the next trade-up.

3) The Cheapskate
You don’t have to be labeled a “gold digger” to recognize the difference between a man who’s frugal and one who’s downright miserly. You know the type: he brings coupons to the first date or parks 17 blocks away to avoid paying a $4 valet (or both). Ah yes, this “avoidable” is known as the cheapskate.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a guy shopping for the best deal and being conservative with his money. However, if every activity is all about finding the stingiest alternative, nothing is ever fun.

Repeatedly counting change, stealing food from work and rationing toilet paper may seem quirky or sweet at first, but this behavior is indicative of future headaches. When it comes down to it, this guy has control issues.

My score here? Damn near perfect. I'm awesome.

4) Mr. Gadget
The gadget guy is always toting the latest toys for big boys. He has the hottest phone, a high-speed boat, a decked-out luxury car, and the newest Harley (for those weekend drives). In other words, this guy has a lot of material things keeping him busy. As a grown-up kid who can't resist the new plaything of the moment, he has a hard time keeping his attention on women. After all, who can compete with technology when it changes at lightning speed?

Whether he is out to impress others, or he constantly needs to trade up to feed his own ego, this guy cares more about stuff than people. (Bad sign.) With this kind of outlook, women who date Mr. Gadget are often left wondering if an upgraded model will make them obsolete.

My score? Middle, I think. For as much *stuff* as I have, it's almost all tools or materials to make other stuff. I like gadgets as much as the next geek, but I don't have an XBOX or a PS3, and I don't have a luxury car or a motorcycle. I do however have a house that keeps me busy, and movies to make, also which keep me busy. I think I'd make time in my life for a good woman.

5) The Mama's Boy
The Mama’s Boy probably still lives with his parents in their house, allowing Mom to launder his clothes, make his bed and cook his meals. (In many cultures, it’s not unusual to live with one’s parents forever, so living at home isn’t necessarily a deal breaker.) However, when a man delights in being waited on hand-and-foot by his mom, there’s trouble.

Mama’s Boys expect their girlfriends to cater to them endlessly and they never understand why that would be a problem. Most women realize that instead of trying to raise the man over again, it’s better to leave the parenting to his indulgent mother.

My score: again, heading up into perfect territory. I'm not about the having kids though, so the parenting thing isn't particularly applicable. Chalk it up to an eHarmony bias.

Finding Mr. Right
In all fairness, these guys aren’t all bad and maybe they just need a patient partner to come in and show them the light. Just because he relishes saving money, loves his mama and delights in playing Grand Theft Auto IV until dawn, all that doesn’t make him unworthy of a relationship. However, women avoid these challenging fellows because they still have some growing to do.

Remember, not everyone will come into your life ready-made, but there’s a difference between dusting off a diamond and fighting a battle you’re never going to win.

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Too often a day in the life of the dating world goes something like this: you meet someone, have a few conversations over the phone, go out once and then never see that person again.

Sound familiar? Chances are while you were on your date you discovered a personality that you know you just can’t deal with. It’s not that your date was creepy or malicious; you just know that a long-term relationship with that person won't work out.


Dating is not about putting people into categories, but there are some personalities that just make a person want to turn and run. You’ve read the 5 Types of Men that Women Avoid, and because we’re all about being fair to both sexes, we have the other side: Five Types of Women that Men Avoid.

1) The Flirty-Bird
Men love women who flirt. Men are drawn to a good flirt because besides being fun and charming, she’s definitely not shy. The flirter shows interest right off the bat, making the “getting to know you” aspect of courtship all the more easy. For a guy, not having to do all the work is a relief.

Mon dieu, yes.

But there’s a difference between a situational flirt and a serial flirt, and the latter is something that men just don’t want to deal with. A serial flirt giggles, touches others and tosses her hair at everyone: the best friend, the boss, the father. A woman who bats her lashes indiscriminately seems like a challenge at first—how do I get her to just pay attention to me?—but that game gets old really fast.

After a while guys realize that the Flirty-Bird needs constant attention because she’s stricken with major self-esteem issues. An extremely confident and patient man may be able to deal with this kind of behavior, but he’ll probably run himself ragged before realizing that the Flirty-Bird isn’t worth his time.

Hrm. Yeah, the whole self-esteem thing does indeed get old.

2) The Commitment-Phile
Imagine that you’re a guy for a second. You meet a fantastic woman and you’re having a great first date. The lighting is just right and the food is perfect. You’re sharing a great conversation and just beginning to get comfortable when…WHAM! Your date starts talking about your wedding location, how many kids she wants and Big Lug, the name of your future dog.

It puts a lot of pressure on a guy right off the bat. In any healthy relationship, the first couple of months—and especially the first couple of dates—should be kept light. A woman who fast-forwards to the happily ever after makes guys wonder if they really are her perfect match. With such a speedy narrative, perhaps her plans are all about fulfilling her dreams regardless of who is standing across from her at the altar.

Oh hells yes.

3) The Cling-On
A needy nuisance, this gal can’t go anywhere or do anything without the company of her man. She adopts his interests, calls 15 times a day and flies off the handle anytime she’s not around to monitor his behavior. The Cling-On is more work than a relationship deserves. She is there at your beck and call and relies on you to entertain her because she basically has no life of her own. The Cling-On smothers any chance of a guy missing her by robbing him of energy and exhausting his patience with her demands.

Personal space is necessary every once in a while.

4) The Party Girl
When men meet this ball of fun, they think she is the life of the party. She’s carefree, maybe a little wild, and from the outside looks like a person they may be interested in. Once they get a closer look, however, they realize that her entire life is a party. While a guaranteed good time may seem like a good idea, what will she be like in the sobering light of day?

Her hilarious antics, outgoing personality and righteous dance moves are good in small doses, but the Party Girl doesn’t know the meaning of “closing time.” It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with a person who is masking major problems underneath his or her party hat. Plus, we all know that people who can't amuse themselves without mind-altering substances just aren’t any fun when the party is over.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Probably doesn't kick it for the long term.

5) The Windbag
Yakkity Yak. The Windbag is the woman who never shuts up, barely stopping to breathe. Seeming only concerned about what is going on in her life and sharing her prattling insights, this Chatty Cathy also has Drama-Queen tendencies (not good).

The Windbag’s rambling renditions drive men crazy for obvious reasons, but they also make men feel a little obsolete since they can go on and on without anyone else’s input. Most people think it takes two to have a conversation, but not The Windbag.

Women are more verbal than men and get a bad rep for being garrulous. The Windbag, however, doesn’t know that the sound of silence is golden. She needs to learn that the more you talk, the less you learn.

Tough judgement call. I don't know anybody who's so far into this type to be considered hands-off, but I have watched Judge Judy enough to have seen a couple.

Finding Ms. Right
While there are exceptions to the aforementioned personality types, these gals present a tough road ahead. Although avoidance of women with potent personality types may make things easier, keep an open mind and remember that your perfect match may not come in the tidy little package that you envision.

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Whether men know it or not, devotion to and passion for a hobby can trump physical appearance any day. We all know the stereotypes of the rock star who makes the ladies swoon simply by stepping onstage or the jock whose on-field skills make the ladies line up against the fence. What a guy does for fun or in his free time says a lot about his character, his drive and his dedication.


Does he excel with a team and shine as a dominating leader, or is he more comfortable flying solo? Is he creative and free, or vigorously dedicated? Regardless of what the actual hobby is or how well he excels at it, a guy who cares deeply for something is interesting, perhaps even more complicated. We have compiled a list of hobbies that are sure to get the ladies to stop and notice.

1) Playing an Instrument or Rockin’ the Mike
Not only does it take dedication, commitment and talent to play an instrument or belt out a jam, it also takes a lot of bravado. Many women find men who can wield an instrument magnetically attractive. Whether it’s the long-haired wailer, the smooth crooner or the acoustic artsy type, a musician has the ability to lure female fans like a snake charmer.

When they aren’t on the big screen, celebrities such as Russell Crowe, Kevin Bacon and Ethan Hawke are known to dabble in music.

My score: tanked.

2) Volunteerism
Anyone who donates his time and resources for the sake of others comes off as a selfless person. Whether he is a Big Brother, a kind sir who plays a hand of pinochle at the nursing home every week or a noble laborer raising roofs for the homeless, this guy is out to make the world a better place by doing what he can.

Take a cue from Hollywood hunks who contribute their time to benefit the world around them, such as George Clooney, Brad Pitt and U2 frontman Bono.

My score: low. I do volunteer work for CONvergence, which I'm pretty sure doesn't count as soul-warming.

3) Participating in Sports
Unlike guys who watch the the game with buddies while throwing popcorn at the screen, active men who are out on the field sweating it out are sexy. Being athletic is an obvious physique builder, but it also enhances and displays a guy’s true character. Playing sports exhibits his dedication to a goal, how fierce a competitor he is and how well he interacts with others. Not to mention that commitment to a 5 a.m. run or a weekly scrimmage denotes a sexy devotion to health and, therefore, happiness.

Consider the surfing, running and biking Matthew McConaughey or the eight-pack on Mario Lopez to solidify the sexiness of sports.

My score: tanked. I don't have a six-pack, I have one of those partially-collapsed bags of beer.

4) Playing Mr. Fix It
A tool belt, a hammer and an “I can fix anything” attitude are throwbacks to the armor-wielding knights women read about in childhood fairytales. A man who is willing to get his hands dirty and either tear something down or create something is definitely attractive. Not only can he fix the broken pipe under the sink and clean out the gutters to save some cash, he wants to take care of things and make them better by using his brain and his brawn. Can’t blame a guy for trying to improve his surroundings.

Ladies, it’s not as if we can’t fix the faucet ourselves, but why lift a finger if handyman Ty Pennington of Extreme Home Makeover is offering to do it for you?

My score: Awh yeah, out of the park.

5) Risking it All
Racing through the desert on a dirt bike, cliff jumping, skydiving and rock climbing are awe-inspiring hobbies that blend the element of danger with the tough-guy “I’m not scared” stance. These adrenaline adventures are really technical feats, for which the daredevil must study and learn about techniques, physics and human survival.

Whether it’s Tom Cruise, who insists on performing his own stunts, Johnny Knoxville, who abandons safety measures with glee, or David Blaine, who tests his body and mind against the unthinkable, danger is downright sexy.

My score: tanked. I'm pretty damn safe.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if your guy doesn’t pursue the aforesaid pursuits. From poetry to painting to tattoo artistry, women and men alike find fervent and committed men attractive. Stimulated by creativity, confidence and enthusiasm, women are intrigued by well-rounded individuals who participate in passionate pursuits. If your guy is invested in a cause, a hobby, a sport or an adventurous pursuit, it not only makes him happy, but also brings out the best in him, which can translate to how well he loves.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lexinatrix
Jul. 17th, 2008 10:26 pm (UTC)
I know there's folks who pooh-pooh eHarmony, but I find their personality assessments and blurbs like this to be pretty decent. Sure, there's caveats, but for the most part they're reasonable.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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