Your result for The Harry Potter Wand Test...
9", Willow, Phoenix
A willow wand signifies that you care deeply about emotions, art, and intuition, and that you have a particular knack for charms. The phoenix tail feather as your core means that you have the capability to be an extremely powerful wizard or witch and that you will defend those you love at all costs.
I was actually gonna post a spoof of this one-- You gotta admit, there is a certain juvenile temptation that comes when talking about my powerful nine-inch wand and my particular knack for charms... I am after all a rather charming individual-- but I kinda like the result that this quiz delivers.
It's the deeper inner structure of the reveal that intigues me: we start by identifying me as having a nine-inch willow wand, which has a distinctly phallic overtone; suddenly we shift the world view to one in which I become the wand, become at one with my core being a phoenix pheather. This takes me on this sudden transferrence of my reality by not only taking me on an id-ego split of manifestation (the id takes the role of the bridge-keeper taking the literal transferrence of consciousness from my body's brain to the tip of my all-powerful nine-inch shaft so it has now become my physical form, where the ego becomes absorbed in the wonder of what it would feel like to have a phoenix feather inserted into one's core being, so to speak; a fascinating homoerotic journey) which lends itself to the same vague feeling of desperation and shame mixed with a kind of dirty satisfaction that is reminiscent of the old days in college and the days when experimentation was sometimes taken way too far, never to be spoken of again, but with less day-old pizza and cheap beer.
See, this is why you love me.