Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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SO how are you doing?

The question asked, do I answer? Do I really take her at face value and assume that she's actually asking, or do I make the consideration that she's just being polite? Does it matter? She's the one who put the kibosh on us dating, at least for now, does she actually retain an interest, or is this just her way of not hurting my feelings though she'd rather I faded into the woodwork?

I'm doing reasonably well. The biggest hurdles in my life are slowly coming down, though they still remain large and overbearing and don't lend themselves to easy fixes.

Physically, I'm better than I've been for a long time, at least with my weight, and certainly with the diabetes. Right now I'm dealing with something that feels kinda flu-like and sucks the energy out of my body like the fat kid at the county fair trying to get that last bit of chocolate shake out of the cup.

And I've been hiding a lot. That's nothing new, and I think hiding is often easier than dealing with people. It's not that I dislike people, and really I like being social, but there are a lot of times that I really don't feel like being face-to-face with someone else and all I really want to do is sleep or cuddle with my pooch and watch a movie.

There are days that I want to scream that the world is unfair, but it's not like I'm the only one. The world is pretty fair in its unfairness, but for some folks riding a little closer to the edge than I, things are a little harder.

This isn't what I wanted. It's not where I thought I'd be. But it is where I am, and long ago I learned that where you are is where you are, and you need to either deal with it or fail.

I wish I was happier.
Tags: self-musing

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