Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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There's a certain part of me-- probably the analytical engineer part-- that hates hates HATES when a problem isn't clearly enough defined to break down into easily-addressed components. Engineering problems are almost always in this category, and if I can actually visualize the problem in my head, I can solve it. That's not as small as it sounds, as I have some amazing multidimensional visual spatial skills along with synaesthesia so that all problems have shape and color and texture and the like; it's part of what makes me very powerful in what I do.

But the whole love-and-relationships thing? Phbbbt. Nothing of any substance to work with. It's like trying to mold clouds into a shape.

There was a time when I had a pretty good list of things that were must-haves/must-not-haves in a partner. There were good reasons at the time for those choices, but those reasons are kind of outdated and obsolete now, so in readdressing what traits there are in a potential partner, it's a sort of a maybe-kinda-sorta thing where traits have different weights, but it's not really scorable because it's not really a defined number, but a number/shape/color/texture/color/flavor/feeling.

And it makes me uncomfortable.

And it changes. This morning I had a realization that a gentle, sweet disposition (earthy, not saccharine) was something that I really liked, but it was unlikely to go well with a deeply creative and passionate person, which is also something I really like. And it's also unlikely that someone who had aspects of both would be in the mood I wanted them to be in when I wanted them to be in it.

(Wait, who just called me a control freak?)

Granted, women aren't an engineering problem to be solved; if they were, I'd have built the perfect woman in my basement. And don't think I haven't considered it.

But what really bugs the shit out of me is that there is this whole category of "problems" or "issues" that not only do I not know how to fix, I don't even know how to begin to approach them. They just sort of hang there, molding and shifting like a shapeshifter with ADD.

So I head back to the core rules:

1.) Primum non nocere (First, do no harm).
Your actions, however well-meaning, may have unintended consequences. Think before you do it.

2.) Take responsibility for your own shit.
If you break it, fix it. If you spill it, clean it up. If you turn it on, turn it off. If you bought it, pay for it.

3.) If all parties involved are in agreement, anything goes.
Keep your nose out of other people's bidness. If it's not your bed, don't complain about the sheets.

4.) Never date the insane.
No, really-- when you're dealing with someone who doesn't think like a normal human or have the same kind of mental processes, you take on a huge, huge burden. Neurotic is okay, sociopathic is not.

5.) Never date the stupid.
As much fun as you think it might be, just don't do it. It rapidly becomes just boring and sad, and then you're stuck with the whole dating thing, and even the best blowjobs in the world will not make up for that.

A note here: these are my rules for myself. I don't expect them to be everyone's.

What the hell do these have to do with me figuring out how to solve problems?


Perhaps I'm looking at it wrong, and it's not really a problem, or an "issue" that needs correction. Right now I'm pretty much satisfying all those rules.

Gawd. I put the anal in analysis.

Tags: relationshipship

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