Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

Slept last night, very well even. The Cartographer of Nightmares managed to leave me a clear spot on the map otherwise marked Here Be Monsters, which could mean that I am the monster that be here.

I am deflecting a part of my life that I really wanted to attach to. It's a decision not made in a vacuum, and one that hurts with case-hardened brilliance, but it's one of those that-which-does-not-kill-us things, a sort of self-imposed gauntlet.

Why do I do this?

Simple. I've been burning too much time and energy whining and being a bitch, and I have other stuff I need to do. Making a conscious decision to stay the hell away is me taking control-- or trying to take control, of this aspect of my life anyway.

Losing you was the best thing I ever had to do.

To embrace my acceptace of monsterhood, I am growing tentacles.

Tags: self-musing
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