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I've been feeling really down lately. Kind of antisocial, a vague feeling of being uneasy around people, even friends. I've been trying to work on it, but there have been some happenings lately that are reinforcing the self-loathing feelings that accompany social anxiety.
Instance: a few days ago, we had an auction where I auctioned off my services in various guises: photographer, handyman, masseur.
The photography one went amazingly well, and the handyman did pretty good, but the masseur was really pitiful compared to what I thought it would do. One of the reasons that I put the massage in the auction was that some of the folks that were there have talked about wanting a massage for quite a while, and they didn't bid.
Okay, I can see where the guys might not be awfully happy with the idea of being touched by another guy, but of the women that were there, only one of them bid and that was for her mother.
And I've also given backrubs to most of the people that were at the auction. I don't really consider there to be that much of a difference between a backrub and a full massage, other than the time and intensity, and possibly the nakedness (although you are covered by a sheet).
But is there something in general that getting a massage from a friend might be uncomfortable, or is it me? Am I just being paranoid, or is there some reluctance because they don't like the idea of me touching their flesh? And if so, is it something I said or did?
I suppose I could ask, but I don't want to appear foolish.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 20th, 2003 02:13 pm (UTC)
As someone who really wants and needs a massage- I have an idea of why they didn't bid. For me it's something I really want but never feel like I can spend the money on it. A wellness place opened a block from me, and they were offering $25 hour-long massages. I really wanted to but I still couldn't do it. Brain files it under "indulgent luxury I can't afford."

Hard to say what those ladies' reasons are without knowing you all, but that would probably be the reason why I wouldn't bite- even if I'd been whining "I need a massaaaaaage!" all night.

I think many of us have less trouble paying for a "practical" service (photography, handy-stuff) than for a "pleasure" experience. Puritanical, ain't it?

BUT- I have no problem dropping big cash on a gift certificate for a day at the spa (includes massage!) for my mom at giftmas every year. Heh.
Dec. 20th, 2003 03:11 pm (UTC)
I have had friends (female) (hot) who were massueses, and I have not asked them for massages, and would have felt odd if they had offered.

When we've been hanging out, and they've rubbed my back or whatever, it was wonderful. In a casual setting. But I would feel very awkward if I were "on the table."

Why? Hmmmm... Perhaps the difference is the intimacy involved, and the idea of "you are going to give me pleasure for the next half-hour, without any sort of spontenaity." The fact that when it is casual, I know you can stop whenever you want to, without your being obligated to go for a half hour. Perhaps it is also self-consciousness - I don't know if I want a casual friend to hear me moan or purr or growl with delight. Or just the idea of being at dinner with friends the next day, knowing your hand has rubbed my bare ass.

In my opinion, a completely ignorant one, you may be being paranoid.
Dec. 20th, 2003 03:23 pm (UTC)
Backrubs are fine. They're generally spontaneous and involve staying fully clothed. But massages? Out of all my vast group of friends, there are maybe /two/ that I would let give me a massage without clothes on, and they're both the same gender as I am. People have huge wonkin' issues with being touched without clothes (or even in just underwear), because it's so damn intimate. It's one thing to go to a massage parlour where the person will be a professional who probably took a course in it, and it's another to receive it from a friend who maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable with on that level.
For me, it's almost the same as going to a gynaecologist (sp?), or having a friend do the same thing for me. Just a big huge no.
I wouldn't take it personally, sweetiepie. People're like that.
Dec. 21st, 2003 10:36 am (UTC)
I really wouldn't worry about this. I personally feel really uncomfortable dealing with friends in a work/business transaction situation. If I'm at a place and I know the waiter or sales clerk or whoever, it's really awkward. Even if I treat the waiter with the utmost respect, it still feels like I'm treating them as less of a friend. With something as intimate as massage, it would probably be worse and more confused.

You really have no reason to feel rejected about this.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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