Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

fijación

I'm finding it difficult to figure out where I "fit in" anymore. I don't know if it's an artifact of getting older, waning interests, or something completely different.

I've never much been one for high trends, at least not since I was in high school. And while I'm definitely on the goth/darkside fringe, I am not a centrist. To me, it seems that a lot of the goth/darkside centers around fashion and appearance, where I am more about function and illusion. It's a snootful of difference, and one which keeps me sort of arms length from getting uber-involved.

There's also a homing quality that I have that's probably tied to the introverted part of me, where I like being home and entertaining at home, and having a place where comfort is close by and the rules are my own.

I'm not a festie. I understand the draw, and if circumstances had been different, I might have been, but I'm a fair dinkum outsider there.

I'm not really into the mainstream alt.sexuality playtime. I'm not poly. I don't knit.

I do make movies. But the filmmaking crowd in the TC area seems filled with incestuous prima donnas that are into it for different reasons than I, and it's uncomfortable at times.

So I kind of float from fringe to fringe, getting to know people and make a few friends here and there, but I don't have a real social group identifier.

My question of the day is whether I need one. I'm leaning toward 'no'.

It just doesn't seem as important as it once did that I belong to some larger structure. I don't really have a close family, I live alone with a couple of critters, I work a 9-5 job, and I do stuff. My stuff is just out of the mainstream of people I know.

Perhaps I'm turning invisible.
Tags: identity crisis
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