A SCENE WE WILL NEVER FILM.
by Rick Whitnable
EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - The Minneapolis skyline at night,
cross-fading to an expensive-looking night club.
INT. NIGHTCLUB - It's Bondage-night, and the clientele are dressed
appropriately, swaying and gyrating to the soundtrack to Quake 4. The
camera swings across the crowd to a dining table on a high platform
overlooking the dance floor. At the table, with a sumptuous feast
before them, are SAVEAU, MONICA BELUCCI, and various FLUNKIES, one of
whom is TONY. Everyone is eating except MONICA BELUCCI, who looks
bored and disconsolate.
CUT TO - the main door in to the club, which suddenly flies open with
a bang. CASSIE BANNING strides in, clad in black leather and looking
very pissed off about it, or perhaps just pissed off in general.
CASSIE engages her patented 'get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way' stride and
plunges into the crowd, which parts like the Red Sea. A couple of
people give her surly looks and immediately whither under her
Angle on THE DINING TABLE, where SAVEAU is plucking olives out of a
martini and devouring them with relish. A couple of FLUNKIES move to
flank CASSIE, who ignores them. She plants herself across from him
with a shoulder-width stance, fists on her hips.
(in a vague mutter)
Heh heh. Blondie-bear. Heh heh.
(with gritted teeth)
Okay, Saveau. I've officially had enough.
MONICA BELUCCI looks slightly less bored. Saveau looks, incredibly,
more smug than usual.
(in wildly exaggerated,
almost mincing, French accent)
Ahhhh, ze lovely and dangerous Madame Banning.
To what do we owe ze pleazure?
You do know why I'm here, right?
(rolling his eyes and waving martini
glass in a vague manner)
Of COURSE I know; eet ees my BEESINESS to know.
(eats an olive)
CASSIE makes a halfway-move to her holstered gun, then puts her fist
back on her hip. She draws a deep breath, causing TONY, who is
staring at her breasts, to make a purring sound.
I'm not finding anything useful on the streets.
Most of my normal contacts have gone underground.
It's as if they've been ordered to silence...
by someone. What do you know about it, Saveau?
(raising one finger in a lecturing manner)
Ahhhh. Zis ees an effect, no? And now, you seek zee
cause. Cause, and effect, you see?
Saveau, I really fucking hated that movie. Say
something useful for a change.
(eats three olives in rapid-fire)
Madame Banning, you are most unfair in your judgements
of me. I have no eenvolvement with these events.
Uh-huh. Even if that's the case, you know somebody who
knows somebody. So give me a name, and address, something!
MONICA BELUCCI is leaning forward as CASSIE speaks, emphasizing her
ample cleavage. ANGLE ON TONY, who starts moaning.
SAVEAU raises a hand to gently block MONICA BELUCCI's movement into frame.
Most rapturous beloved, you are blocking my key light.
MONICA BELUCCI glances at someone out of frame. ANGLE ON ROB WITHOFF,
fussing with a light stand while surrounded by various girls from the
HORROR INCORPORATED set.
(apologetically, to MONICA BELUCCI)
Well, you are.
MONICA BELUCCI settles back, watching CASSIE intently.
SAVEAU straightens his tie and dabs delicately at his mouth with a
cloth napkin that probably costs as much as a good used car.
Eet ees possible that I could be of some... service in thees
matter. Eef I am appropriately encouraged.
CASSIE (baring her teeth): Fine. Play your little games; I've got
real work to do.
CASSIE turns to go.
MONICA BELUCCI stands up.
(glancing back over her shoulder)
Please don't leave yet.
(turning back around)
MONICA BELUCCI steps out from behind the table and glides down to
where CASSIE stands, her dress clinging to her like a thin film of oil.
We are becoming aroused.
Yes we are.
Heh heh. Boobies.
Your ferocity has awakened a fire in me that I
thought was quenched long ago. A little over two
hours ago, in fact.
SAVEAU looks even more smug, and watches with interest.
I will help to complete your task, Mrs. Banning.
For a price.
(drawing ever so slightly back)
Hot lesbian sex, Mrs. Banning. I hunger for your
touch. Right now!
TONY gulps audibly, and visibly quivers. ROB looks very intrigued.
SAVEAU pulls the lid off a gallon pail of ice cream and picks up a spoon.
Well, I'm heterosexual....
MONICA BELUCCI looks slightly downcast. There is no other movement or
sound in the entire room.
... but you're Monica Belucci. What the hell.
CASSIE pulls MONICA BELLUCI to her, grips her hair in one hand, and
dips her backwards for a kiss the way Rick frequently does to girls at
Con. ROB hurriedly adjusts the lighting. TONY makes a pitiful,
high-pitched keening sound and passes out.