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Nice Guys and the Last Finish

I'm a nice guy.

By this, I don't mean that I'm the creepy "nice guy" who invades your personal space far too often and buys you things to get your attention and stands outside your window late at night watching your bedroom window. Well, except for that one time.

What I do mean by nice guy is this: I try to treat people with respect, courtesy, and all the other boy scout mantras. I don't cheat, steal, or lie very much. I'm not entirely perfect at it, but I do try. I try to help out when I can for my friends.

Gotta say, it's not a big swing with the ladies. To be fair, it's not a big ol' swing with me, either. I'm not exactly attracted to a nice girl right off the bat. It might give her a +1 to hit after I get to know her a while, but that's not a huge bonus when you're rolling the d20 of love.


Look, chicks don't dig the boy scout thing. Sure, they may like it at first, but it gets boring quickly. It's predictable, and easy, and comfortable, and after a while it breeds resentment. You know it's true.

In the long term, women want a guy that's strong and stable and secure in himself. It's in the short-term that it isn't sexy. And the short term is the thing that gets to the long term.

No, I'm not about to start changing myself. I yam what I yam, and if it ain't your cuppa, you can blow. You know how to blow, don't you? You just put your lips together and... something.

I'm not always strong, but I try to be. I'm not always secure in myself, but I'm better than I've been in a long time. And I'm actually pretty damn stable, at least within the constraints of the big-ass bowling balls of fate that get tossed my way, particularly in the last couple of months.

I think that passion is a big draw. And I've been neglecting passion for a while. I've really been neglecting a lot of stuff, and I need to get back on the pony and dance again.

(Oh god, that poor pony.)

The basement has a bunch of stuff in it that I'm in the process of dismantling for parts. I actually have a pretty nice little pile of stuff already, but there's a bunch more to go. And I have found some things that I put on hold quite a while ago that I can get back to now. The screws alone are amazing: I probably have ten pounds of screws of various types that I've salvaged, probably 80% metric. Maybe a dozen stepper motors of varied types, a whole bunch of gears and rods and bearings, switches and solenoids and optical sensors, and bits and pieces of nurnies for set bits.

2008 has not been a banner year, at least the last part of it. I need to make 2009 a better place to be.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 30th, 2008 09:02 am (UTC)
why are all the Eagle Scouts gay?
Dec. 30th, 2008 10:06 am (UTC)
I give up, why?
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 30th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
Dec. 30th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
no wonder it was so boring to get you stoned for your first time. I was expecting more. Will you inhale next time? i really need the amusement.
Dec. 30th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
So here's my take on it, as a "one of the guys" girl:

You're right, I don't like stereotypical "nice guys." It's not because it's boring, either (which I suppose it is).

It's because most men who consider themselves "nice guys" are really just spineless. They haven't any passion. They roll over too easily. They're too eager to please. If they have opinions of their own, they forego sharing them to defer to the chick.

And that mama's boy behavior is really fucking annoying. I simply can't respect someone like that. But, most guys think that their subversion of their personality is being "nice" when really it's being pathetic.

A guy can be kind without being dull.

So, bringing this back to you: you've got some cool projects going on and it's clear you have a passion for building functional or creepy stuff. That's some interesting stuff. Yes, I'd say you're kind and a stand-up guy (e.g. reliable, thoughtful, etc.) but you're not suffering from the "nice guy" pathology like so many other "nice guys."

For what it's worth, my "one of the guys" status has gotten in the way of some dating opportunities in my past. I was considered "way cooler" than most chicks, but because I'd somehow surpassed chick-dom I was placed in a realm of undateable creatures because I was no longer a chick.
Dec. 30th, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
Yes! I totally agree with you here. Most guys lament that they're being given the shaft because they're too "nice" when it has nothing to do with how NICE they are, and everything to do with the fact that they're a complete pantywaist!
Dec. 30th, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC)
If a guy is nothing but nice, there's not enough there to work with. He has a nice job, a nice house, a nice car, says nice things...great. But that can't be all there is. He's got to be hiding something, but I'm too bored to want to find out what.

On the other hand, if a guy is interesting AND nice, that's gold. He makes corpses, has a thing for zombies and a passion for film making - AND he's nice? that's way hotter than a plain old "nice" guy.

And you're so right about passion - it's an Absolute Must. If a guy doesn't have passion for SOMEthing, ANYthing, he's about as hot as an end table.

You know what else makes a guy hot? If he _used_ to be an asshole but no longer is. You know, the guy who's overcome his demons, battled his lower urges and come out the other side as a decent, guy. Because then he's got the swagger of an asshole, but he's not going to beat you up and rob you blind (although he COULD if he wanted to). Plus he's a much wiser man than someone who's never explored his darker side.

Maybe it's all in how we market ourselves. How do we show the world that we're more than we appear, that we have depth? because nice really is important, but that can't be it.

Or at least that's my take on it. And when you look at the guys I've dated in my life, maybe I'm not the one to be taking notes from. But nice isn't a bad thing. I could never fall for a man unless I felt that underneath his grizzled, insane exterior he had a heart of gold.
Dec. 30th, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
but it is always amusing to corrrupt the nice ones.
that's about all they have to offer though.
Dec. 30th, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
Granted, this depends on the kind of woman you're looking for. Men can be strong, stable, secure boy scouts and women will like them. I happen to know many women who love that kind of man - but they are women who are emotionally mature and are in a place in thier lives where they actually want a mature relationship.

"Sure, they may like it at first, but it gets boring quickly. It's predictable, and easy, and comfortable, and after a while it breeds resentment. You know it's true."

No. I don't know that's true. A stable, mature woman is not going to "resent" a good, dependable man in a good, healthy relationship. Bad boys may be hot and mysterious and exciting, but it doesn't last. And a woman who wants that isn't going to settle for anything else.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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