January 20th, 2003

insane

There's a reason for medication

I currently have three prescriptions going. One is for high cholesterol, one for diabetes, and one is an antidepressant. I also have no health insurance, so my monthly medication costs are somewhere around $240-300.

Being unemployed and in debt makes that a little difficult. So I made a decision to cut back a little.

Probably not the best idea.

The cholesterol medication was an easy one. My cholesterol is not that high, and with a little more careful eating, I'm pretty good. The disbetes medication-- well, not quite so good, I cut my dose in half which was a compromise, but I'll be out by wednesday, and the unemployment check won't be here until next week. So I'm gonna have to be careful for a couple days.

The antidepressants are another matter. Missing a day can make me really nuts, particularly during periods of high stress, which is pretty much my life in general. Today, I got really cranky about small stuff. Luckily I was able to recognize it and let Barb know, and cut myself off.

Not having eaten anything yet today isn't helping either.
insane

My bologna has a first name.

I think they're after me. I keep seeing movements just out of the side of my vision, but when I turn, there's nothing there. And I keep hearing things... not quite voices, but instructions... I'm having this desire to make a machine that will take me to the stars, but I can't find a conflagrating reptilimizer anywhere.

Yesterday while driving along Lake street, I noticed that there were several businesses that had closed, and several buildings vacant along the way. It was depressing, in an anonymous kinda way. I mean, I don't know any of the business owners, but I understand the pressures that made them crumble, and I understand the failure of a business. It's very easy to take personally the failure of your business, thinking that you should have made different decisions, wondering what you could have done differently.

Quite a few years ago, I decided that all things being equal, I would take risks over not taking them and wondering what would have happened if...

However, when not all things are equal, how do you determine whether the risk is worth taking?