February 14th, 2003



i went to the doctor today and told him that the voices in my head had stopped screaming he didnt seem to think that was funny and asked me more about the voices i told him i was just kidding the pills he gave me were fine things were much better he seemed to accept that i didnt tell him i had stopped taking the pills they told me to stop i have to do what they say or they hurt me sometimes they tell me to do bad things and i dont want to do them but they tell me i have to and the keep telling me louder and louder and they dont stop they just keep going if i dont do what they say they make me hurt myself they used to make me cut my arms but the doctor saw so now they make me cut my private place i dont like that it hurts most of the time they tell me to hurt the animals they dont scream but sometimes they make me hurt the children they do scream for a while so i have to take them where its quiet so nobody hears them i cant stand the screams so i cry but the voices like them and they stay quiet for a while and just whisper sometimes when they like it a lot they tell me secrets and its like im standing in a pool of sunshine and they let me stay there sometimes for days if im good they tell me its okay to tell you it only hurts for a little while and that I shouldnt cry im sorry

Updates in general

First, some good news. Micha the sickly cat is mucho better. He's meowng left and right now, and being a PITA again, and struggling greatly against the squirting-of-the-antibiotics-down-the-throat, so Yay!. Thinking he had a pulmonary infection, probably due to allergies or mold. No more basement for the kitty. Bad kitty! That's my pie!

Second, cable guy came to take away the box today. They also hard disconnected the cable, so now we are at the mercy of broadcast TV until such time as we decide to pick up on sattelite. Time-Warner cable is atrocious-- we kept getting escalated to the point where we were paying almost 3 bucks a day for programming that was ultimately crap. And really, Buffy and Angel are on free TV. I will miss TLC and Discovery a little, but I'll get over it. And we have DVDs. :)
BTW, the cable company keeps a permanent record based on your address. I learned some interesting stuff about the previous owner of the house.

Third, some stirrings on the job front. More jobsurfing last night resulted today in two phone calls and three new leads. No interviews, but at least something.

Straignened out the living room a bit. Mostly organizing bills and paperwork. Found the missing W-2. Started a little collection of fake credit cards that come in the credit card applications. Wondered if any of them understand what "pre-approved" really means.

Did some laundry. Had to fix the dryer vent-- it had come apart and was venting back into the laundry room. Good for retaining heat and humidity, bad for carbon monoxide.

Valentine's day: nada. We're staying in. Barb has to work, and we don't have money to go out.

Wondering if there are fraternity tests so you can discover whether your siblings are actually yours.

The little candies in the dish in the bathroom are not actually candy.

And duct tape won't stick to your windows when it's cold.
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