June 11th, 2003


a musing

On the way home last night, I realized that while driving, I don't vizualize my thoughts. Meaning that if I'm thinking about something, I'm not seeing it in my mind like I usually do. It's not a huge handicap, because although I am primarily a visual-mode thinker, I am quite adept at verbal/auditory thinking skills, as well as a general synaesthetic approach. But it made me wonder why.
Certainly visual processing is mondo important while you're traveling down the highway at 75MPH. But really what you are looking for are things that are moving wrong-- particularly rapid lateral motion-- in relation to everything else.
So why does that take away the ability to visualize? Is it that the same centers of the brain are used to "generate" visual images? Is it the crossover that takes place when you visualize something that blocks out the actual visual input?

I kicked ass last night. Nearly completed the most difficult soffit, and the last one. Unfortunately, it meant that I was on the ladder for several hours. It started to drizzle and get dark by the time I called it a night, then I had to clean the catboxes (little bastards) and collect and take out the trash. It meant that I didn't get to eat until well aftewr 9:00, and when I finally got to bed at 10:30, Barb needed to talk. Apparently she is not happy with the way that the project from hell is going. She does have a bit of a control-freak nature at times.
So I'm a little crashed out today.

And today at work, there are problems on other projects. The project I'm working on is basically at a standstill. The source code server is down. I am down to browsing through old source code trying to ferret out structure; the source code is over 5000 files, most of it uncommented.
I can feel my brain coagulating.

Dealing with stress has been a big chunk of my life rather continually for about the past two years. It's increased in the last six months or so, and shows little sign of letting up. I've been at the giving-up point several times, only to find that there is noplace to give up to.
So far the past couple days have been pretty good for my ability to handle it. I'm pretty sure that will be coming to an end shortly, probably in the next couple of days, possibly tonight. Lack of sleep doesn't help, and I may just crash tonight in anticipation. Tomorrow night, we're supposed to be shooting a scene on a rooftop, and now the forecast calls for thunderstorms. And Friday we are doing a bunch of re-shoots for stuff that didn't work out for various reasons. Then Saturday morning we go out west for the Wild Hunt and throw javelins. Sunday we come back.
Next week is finish work on the house. Finish the remaining soffit work, clean, repair and paint the gutters, fix the bastard trim on the breezeway that is buckling, set up proper drainage for the breezeway roof, and build a deck rail.
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