September 9th, 2003


(no subject)

First real memory of something:
fireworks out the bathroom window. I think I was about 2 years old.

First car:
1970 AMC hornet. Black and yellow, with a green plaid interior.

First real kiss:
Snowball, 1979. Denise Crotteau. Friend, she was steady with Mike Okonek, who was in Alaska at the time. She's still married to him. And it was a really good kiss.

First break-up:
Girl named Sandy. High school. I was a real shit back then.
First one that I didn't initiate was a stripper named Elaine.

First job:
Mister Burger. I was 16. It sucked, but one of the waitresses was cool and I had a crush on her.

First screen name:
Hmmm... Lord Hedon.

First self-purchased album:
Cheap Trick.

First pet:
Parent's dog, Sandy. First pet of my own was Fawn, though she was still at my parent's house, she was definitely attached to me. First pet on my own was Micha, who we still have.

First credit card:
Sears? Penneys? Visa in college.

First true love:
Stripper, Elaine. Head over heels gone. Destined for failure, but OMG...

First enemy:
You know, I can't really think of anyone that's been an enemy. Perhaps the ex-wife, but I don't think that really counts.

First big trip:
Germany, exchange student, 1977. I saw "the Warriors" in German (Die Warriors).

First music you remember hearing in your house:
Music wasn't real big in our house growing up. I'd say probably broadcasts of the Grand Ol' Opry up at the cabin.

First broken bone:
Collarbone, 4th grade. Football.

First concert:
Um, I was in band, so if you count that, I'd say 5th grade. If you're talking going to a concert, I think it was probably Heart with John Cougar. Broke up with Elaine during "Jack & Diane".

First serious illness:
Chicken pox, somewhere around 6 maybe? Viral infection of my cerebrospinal fluid around 8 or 9.

First brush with fame:
Huh. Seeing the Chimilewski Brothers live at Goldfine's in 1971. Doesn't seem like much now, but back then it was big. Chatted with Vincent D'onofrio once for a few minutes without recognizing him. And Art Garfunkel once told me I was funny. Didn't recognize him either.

First drinking binge:
I'd have to say my first year of college. 0.56 GPA. Of course, I was in North Dakota, so I had an excuse.
  • Current Music

Relationship issues and warm fuzzies

Last night, I dreamt that I was attractive and self-confident, and it made all the difference in the world. It was back in college, and I was young and spry and full of piss and vinegar, and things went perfectly for me. And I ended up with a really attractive woman (actually someone who I was friends with back then), and it turned into a sex dream, the details of which I shall leave out for the TMI factor.

Considering that, I find it odd that the number of relationships that I see and hear about have so many level of dysfunction, and nearly all of them have to do with communication. Letting your needs and wants be known to your partner, and listening to theirs and being more receptive to them.

It certainly complicates things when you add another partner like the polyfolk do. I am at a loss to understand the dynamics of a multipartner relationship.

I have come to believe that a good relationship can only be based on emotionally healthy individuals. I don't know if that's true or not, but most relationship failures that I know about (and have experienced) were pretty directly attributed to people not being able to handle events in an emotionally mature way. And I have been guilty of the same thing, though I try not to be.

But what if you are already in a relationship, and for whatever reason your emotional health deteriorates. Does this put the relationship at risk?

I'm thinking it does.

So how do you go about maintaining emotional health? Is there some emotional pilates program, or something like tai-emo to kick your emotional ass into becoming strong and capable again?

And a side question: when you are in a committed relationship, do you retain some secrets? Or do you open up everything to your partner?

Interpersonal skills

You know, I can communicate much better through writing than I can face-to-face. Maybe it's the time I get to really structure my thoughts into sentences, maybe it's the ability to go back and edit, maybe it's that I am a little bit shy.

I like to write. Especially when I don't have to. When I can just free-flow words to the screen and have them take on entirely new meanings. Nuance and subtlety. And the ability to push crap out of my head that otherwise would take up space in my consciousness.

But actually talking with someone takes an entirely different part of your brain, and all of the filters and walls and defense mechanisms that we have built to handle everyday life get in the way, like using clumsy tongs to manipulate radioactive waste.
  • Current Music

blue-footed booby

Decidedly sleepy, and working on a long compile, which means I have a couple of hours to kill while Grampa Computer does his job. So you get to bear the brunt.

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    annoyed annoyed