May 31st, 2004


(no subject)

Nice day today. Spent most of it at Tony & Kristi's, with a barbecue, some old-school D&D, and fine conversation with friends. I hated to see it end.

I feel like a guest in my own house now. So many things aren't me anymore, and I have a place of my own down in Des Moines, at least while the job lasts.

Feeling a little lost overall. Lots of emotions and weirdness here, and not really getting anywhere.

I am lonely. That is really too simple a description, because it doesn't encompass the rather large palette of loneliness that comes with being rent asunder. There is an emotional loneliness that has its own set of flavors, there is an intellectual loneliness that comes from being away from good conversations and discussions, and there is a physical loneliness that is hard to admit without sounding cheap and horny.

Yet I also choose to sequester myself down in Des Moines. It's really a good place to be a hermit. I have no close relationships down there-- I really haven't found anyone with similar interests, nor have I really tried to look.

Maybe that will change, but right now I feel no urge to be social.