July 8th, 2004



Some days I just wanna go play outside.

Feeling very musical today. Like I wanna sit at the keyboard and noodle around and compose songs without having any deadlines or specific reasons or anything. Just play.

The weird thing is that I'm not really a musician.

Seeing a lot of grumpiness as of late. Seems to be everywhere. I'm actually doing well at avoiding it as much as possible, which consists mainly of being low-key and ducking under the radar of most things. It can't last, but for now it's working.

I brought down some CDs from home. Makes me very happy to have PJ Harvey and Trent Reznor in the player while I'm coding. NIN has a special place in my various internal organs, particularly during times of relationship woes and self-doubt.

I also find it interesting that in the last five years or so, I haven't found any music that affects me in the way that I used to be affected. I fell in love with Kate Bush back in the '80s because her songs affected me deeply. And I still get a visceral thrill from old Peter Gabriel and Pink Floyd. The last stuff I can remember that really took me anywhere was Underworld (dubnobasswithmyheadman) and William Orbit (StrangeCargoes).
Nowadays I am leaning more toward Disturbed and Linkin Park for listening, but there isn't any depth there for me. I like the music, but it's just... there.

Is it just me? Is that I've gotten older and more insulated? Or is it that the music really has less emotion in it and there's nothing there of substance? Or am I missing out on something that's out there that I just don't have access to yet?