Ow ow ow ow ow.
Headache woke me up.
I did some cleaning yesterday-- it's becoming a habit. :)
Washed the bed, which is why I am puzzled as to why my sinuses are acting up.
I also picked up a second table that is now my "crafty" table, which is now complelety full. :) But in doing so, I had to move the teddy bears that I picked up a couple of weeks ago as references, and when I was unpacking the skulls, I found some fuzzy rats that I had picked up a couple of years ago at a Wal*Mart Halloween clearance. Not thinking, I put them all together on the counter.
I just realized that now it looks like the two teddy bears are holding each other with their pet rats scrambling around.
And I realized just how well that image describes me. :)
Unfortunately the headache is still hanging around a bit, so I think today will be a very low-key day.
I was thinking of seeing a movie, but nothing that is out right now really has enough draw for me to put on pants.
hot warm tub is open! I just spent a couple of hours wallowing in the warmth as the outside temperature dropped into the mid-70's and began threatening rain. I think there may have even been a few sprinkles that came through, but all in all I am satisfied. I'd like it to be a little warmer, as it's not quite enough to loosen the tight muscles in my back, but it's much better than nothing.
I am lonely.
I know this. I could fix it if I chose-- I could go out and meet new people, call up friends, just go out and do something.
Yet I don't. Right now I feel sensitive to people. I can feel their pain pressing on me like a huge weight, their hunger and speed and boredom amplified and multiplied until it's a tangible thing.
I have a great desire to be touched. To be caressed, to be comforted, to be enveloped in the warmth of another's embrace. Yet I am afraid of this also, because I could be blinded by the need the desire the hunger to the point where I can't see the terror until it is too late.
I can be blinded by beauty and sluttiness. I know this. I am capable of making bad decisions.
But I am not desperate.
I know my limitations. I know my liabilities. Maybe not all of them, but enough. I know that I am better off staying away from beauty and sluttiness for right now, at least in doses that can irradiate my heart with poison.
Surrender my passion to the greater good. Pay the price now, make the trek, Hi de ho, it's off we go. Mind the gap.
I would pay good money not to have to pay good money for sex.
Love me, for I am passionate. Love me, for I am good. Love me, for I am wonderful. Love me good, long time.
In case you're wondering: no, I'm not drunk, or stoned, or anything like that. I've just been sitting in the dark for hours listening to techno/ambient/space music and goth dark music, and I'm feeling like I haven't felt in years. Unfortunately, you get to pay the price for my stream-of-unconsciousness doggerel.
I'm currently listening to Soma FM: Drone Zone (Winamp). If I could play this while I was sleeping, it would be something amazing. I'd probably wake up and be on Mars os some shit.
And with that, I think I shall go to bed.