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February 16th, 2005

Secret Sauce

Woke up from a dream about the friend-who-shall-remain-nameless.

Okay, yeah, I know, it's just a dream. And dreams that have people in them usually aren't about those people. But this one was not so much about her as how I was dealing with her.

You see, I decided to back off from her. There has been a physical component to our friendship as of late (just a little bit, mind you), and as much as I like it, I've been feeling a tad bit guilty about it. It's more a risk that this could become the primary reason that I want to see her, and that's not what I want from our friendship.
Well, in a way it is. In a purely selfish, hedonistic way. But I am not purely selfish and hedonistic. Or at least not purely selfish.

But this dream had portents that I should not back off completely. I can't go into details without exposing more than I'm willing to at this point, but they're not so important; what is important is that I am more confused again. Emotionally obfuscated.

Think of it like a small ship on rough seas. Once in a while, the ship is on the crest of a wave, and can see for miles: there is clarity and direction. Other times, the ship is in a trough, and the only thing that can be seen is the sides of the waves, lost and befuddled. That last one is where I am now.
Normally I would have faith in the sense of direction that I remember from being on the crest. But there is this nagging feeling that this is a door that I shouldn't close quite yet.

It might just be that she's hot and sexy, and I'm an old fool.

Yep.

Bed meme

Not sure where this originally came from, but it's weird enough I thought I'd share.

If I woke up next to you in bed:

Most of you:
I'd wonder what in the hell kind of drugs I took the night before.

Some of you:
I'd check to make sure my wallet was still there.

A few of you:
I'd smile and go back to sleep.

Even fewer of you:
I'd ask for seconds.

And at least one of you:
I'd make breakfast.

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