The Illusionist

If you are a business owner who decides to do your own radio ads,
And your company offers cellular phone service,
And the name of your company has the word "cellular" in it,

Then you should really learn how to pronounce the word "cellular".

It's SELL-YOU-LUR, not SAY-U-LUR.

And another thing: it's JEWELRY, not JEWRY.

Christ, you people.

Just looked on the side of a can of mixed nuts and found this warning:

Allergy Information: Prouced in a facility that processes
peanuts and tree nuts. May contain peanuts or tree
nuts.

You know, I can appreciate the warning when you might be buying a
product that you wouldn't think contained peanuts, like perhaps snack
crackers. That would make sense. But you know, if I were a judge and you
brought a case before me where you were allergic to nuts, knew that you
were allergic, bought a can of mixed nuts and ate them, then sued the
company that made the nuts because you had an allergic reaction, I would
make sure that you were ridiculed in every way as publicly as possible.

Likewise if you were electrocuted because you decided to use your blow
dryer while you were taking a shower.