August 22nd, 2005

dark

(no subject)

Can't seem to sleep. I feel like I am surrounded by a cloud of darkness, thick like pudding.

I feel very alone. The pets are great, but I think I've shut myself off from certain parts of humanity. If I were independently wealthy, I'd stay up nights and create things in the studio like Trent Reznor or Alfred Hitchcock.

But I have to work in the morning.

Bah.
  • Current Music
    Jose Padilla - Bosaxi (Groove Salad: a nicely chilled plate of ambient beats and grooves. [SomaFM])
  • Tags
insane

(no subject)

Ahh, yes... Monday morning.

Kick off the day with meetings in a few minutes. Doing a tiny bit of decompression before then. The Monday meeting can run long-- last week it was three hours. Hopefully it's not that much this week.
xray eye

(no subject)

Wow, I'm having a suddenly-feeling-old moment.

There is that moment that comes in the life of every young Playboy-reading male when you first discover that the Playmate is younger than you. It's a milestone that ricochets inside your brain that delineates a phase of manhood.
The second milestone comes when you discover that the Playmate's mother is now younger than you. That delineates the second phase of manhood.
I haven't quite it the third phase yet, but I'm well on my way.

A friend recently did the top 100 songs meme, and I realized that in the year she graduated high school, I had already burned out of my first career, gone to college for seven years and received two degrees, was well into my second career and doing work on what would become my first patent.

It also made me realize that I have been divorced for fifteen years, and that my ex wife is now more than twice as old as she was when we first met.

And that also makes for a "what have I ever done" theme happening. What have I done that has made a lasting impact on anything? What is the legacy that I hand down to future generations?

Not feeling good about the answer.
  • Current Music
    creaking bones
insane

(no subject)

Cranky tonight.

Working on CAD drawings. Pain in the ass trying to make the weird cuts fit and show it on the 2d drawings, frustrating.
Sadie got into the kitchen garbage while I was gone. Partly my fault for leaving it out, but she knows it's bad. So she got shunned.
Then putting out food for everybody, including food for Sadie, and not five minutes later she set off the dog trap at the cat food feeder. She's just being bad tonight, and I don't know why-- but it does not improve my mood.