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May. 20th, 2004

Work today... gah.

Tis component I am working on... it exists only to play sounds. Or more precisely, when conditions are right, it sends a message to another component that plays sounds.

Well, due to some other folks getting together, they decided that that component doesn't really need to exist. The functionality of that component can be spread out amongst the individual components.

Except they forgot about sound.

Today they decided that they are NOT going to provide support for playing sound files, only simple beeps. This is a month after we had already determined that the simple beeps were completely inadequate to play the sounds that need to be played.

And I am coding. I am supposed to be done with this component by wednesday.

I spent most of the afternoon e-mailing those people who are dealing with the level at which the sound system exists. So far I have agreement that there needs to be a component that handles sound. I also have agreement that it is someone else's responsibility and nobody has time for it.

So I am pushing very hard for somebody in a responsible place to make a decision.

But everyone is distracted because tomorrow there is a visit by one of the highest executives in the company. We are all required to clean our workspaces, or face reprimands and follow-up inspections from the HR director.

Yes, indeedy, we have our priorities straight.


In other news, I spent a couple hours tonight answering questions that Barb asked of me. She doesn't understand why I decided to break things off with her, and doesn't understand why I didn't give her more time to work through her stuff. She feels like my decision was too abrupt.

Huh.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
revdj
May. 20th, 2004 10:12 pm (UTC)
But everyone is distracted because tomorrow there is a visit by one of the highest executives in the company. We are all required to clean our workspaces, or face reprimands and follow-up inspections from the HR director.

Thank you for reminding me why I disliked my engineering job.


She doesn't understand why I decided to break things off with her, and doesn't understand why I didn't give her more time to work through her stuff

Boy, it would be great if we were able to eat one's cake and have it, too. It must be very nice for her to have gotten this far in life without having had to learn that lesson.

...sorry for being bitter on your behalf. Bad day. But I stand by the statement.
fairoriana
May. 21st, 2004 06:28 am (UTC)
I really admire you for facing the world each day.

I wonder if Barb is confused by your attempts to deal with her in an honorable and caring way after you believed ties were severed.
lexinatrix
May. 21st, 2004 07:19 am (UTC)
I thought my job dramas were bad. You are a better man than I. (Well, of course... but still.)

She doesn't understand why I decided to break things off with her, and doesn't understand why I didn't give her more time to work through her stuff. She feels like my decision was too abrupt.

Um. I thought she was the one who set this ball rolling? You just gave her what she asked for, no? What, were you supposed to chase after her?

When I made the decision I wasn't staying in my marriage, I had a new place to live within 10 days and I'd spun up plans for managing property shifts, bill-paying handoffs, etc. I think my ex was surprised at my approach. He said I was being "cold" about the split. I had to explain that yes, I was hurt, but it didn't do me any good to cry to him about it.
windelina
May. 21st, 2004 08:49 am (UTC)
Now, I'm in a weird position here - because I'm truly in the middle of this whole situation with Barb. So in the middle.

What I heard from Barb (which means this is Barb's viewpoint) - and bear in mind how horribly paraphrased this is - is that she came to you and said that she was confused about her feelings for both you and B. That she was unsure of what she wanted to do.
And that you demanded an immediate yes or no on whether she was going to be with you.

Now, given the situation described above - I can see where Barb's confusion comes from. When she admitted to not knowing what she was feeling, you required an immediate commitment from her - yes or no.

Granted, I have no idea where the truth is.

I do feel some sadness that things got so rushed. You two (heck, all three) were in the perfect position to take time and work through things due to the enforced physical separation. Alas, people are never so patient and practical - especially not me!
magicmarmot
May. 21st, 2004 10:58 am (UTC)
She was confused, yes. She was unsure of what she wanted to do, yes. However, she is the one who made it into a choice between Bryan and me.

We started off with rules, and the number one rule was No Falling In Love With Anyone Else. She broke that rule, and there were really no consequences.

My question to her was first if she would put her relationship with Bryan on hold while we worked through our problems. Her response was that she didn't know if she wanted to work on our problems because she didn't think we were worth it.

I was understandably upset by this.

Her idea of what she wanted from a relationship changed after she met Bryan. Or more that she recognized things that had changed in her over time. She didn't want to be with me anymore, but she felt that she should try out of a sense of duty, and this is what was confusing her.

She said that she wanted time to decide whether she wanted to even try to work on our relationship. She said she needed a couple of days. After a couple of days, she said she needed more time. I gave her the rest of the week. She told me that wasn't enough time. I asked her how much time she needed, and she didn't know.
That is when I told her we were done. I wasn't willing to sit in relationship limbo while she... did whatever it is she was going to do. Because I don't believe she would have ever decided. I don't think she would have ever taken the responsibility for making that decision, and I do not make that claim lightly.

My "immediate" committment wasn't yes or no, other than a committment to *try*. I believe that I deserved that much, and I believe it should have been without reservation. I wanted counseling, and communication, and spending time together mapping out what we wanted from ourselves, as well as each other. I think that is a reasonable expectation after 12 years together. She thought it was reasonable too, but still didn't know if she wanted to go to the trouble.

The reality of it is that she was/is in love with Bryan, and feels a need to see where a relationship with him will go. And I'm not willing to stand around with my thumb up my ass waiting for her to take him for a test drive and see whether it works out.

There is also a lot more to it. I am not without fault by a long shot, but she is not exacly blameless either.

And I know you're kind of in the middle by default. But neither one of us is expecting you to take sides or be a referee or anything. We both love you, and despite our problems with each other, we are trying to remain as friends, or at least have some decent level of communication. And I appreciate your insight, because I am the first to admit that I am not exactly an objective observer here.

I love Barb, and I probably always will. But I feel like I have been massively shat upon, and really there's only so much of that I'm willing to take from anybody.

(Bear in mind that I'm also in a really crappy mood from all this stress as well as the Dilbertian idiocy at work, so if I seem cranky, chalk it up to that.)
windelina
May. 21st, 2004 01:52 pm (UTC)
As expected - there were two sides. Which I guessed/knew.

I will say that it seems like Barb wants to DO SOMETHING NOW, and that she perceives that Bryan will move as fast as she will, or that he will move faster. Or something.

And I know that what I keep hearing is that "Bryan wants kids and I want kids."

Which makes me think - from my superior position as armchair psychologist - that the kids thing was going to be a Capital-Letter-"Issue" before too long anyhow. So, maybe it really had nothing to do with you, per se. Not YOU, Rob, but you - the person she was in a relationship with who wasn't going to give her what she wanted (kids).

Which is not to say that you should use that as an excuse to stop all the excellent work you are doing on yourself. I am very very pleased to hear of your efforts towards improving your health, if only for the selfish reason that I want you around for a very long time.

And most of what I see from my terrific middle view is two people who are hurting and confused, both innocent and also to blame. You know - typical break-up.
*wry grin*
magicmarmot
May. 21st, 2004 04:07 pm (UTC)
The kids issue is probably the biggest issue for Barb. Personally, I don't think that either one of us is responsible enough to be a good parent. And I've shown that in myself in spades.

And the work I'm doing on myself-- that is something I'm doing for me. I've had a long time of self-loathing, and I want out.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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