Had a couple of intresting conversations with female friends yesterday. Had to do with sex, and my decision to stay celibate. Neither one of them thinks that my choice of celibacy is a good thing-- one of them is urging me to buy sex toys, and the other thinks I should find a topless massage parlor here in DM.
I am amused by them both.
My choice of celibacy is not particularly about sex. It is about intimacy, and my ability to handle intimacy being currently impaired. Certainly I miss it, as you know if you've been reading my journal for the past couple of months, but I know that I will be better for it on the other side.
Sex toys aren't exactly a replacement for intimacy. They are masturbation-assistance devices. On one hand (pardon the pun), that doesn't really create a problem. On the other, sex toys for men suck (again, no pun intended). And there is a creepy factor with men's sex toys that isn't really there with women's.
The massage parlor thing-- though there is a real person on the other end of the stick as it were, it's still not really intimate. And I don't know whether I really want to combine the essence of a massage with a handjob. Not to mention the sleaze factor.
Still, I understand where my friends are coming from. They really do care about me, and see the possibility that I may become so sexually charged and desperate that when I finally do decide to become sexual again, I might make some bad decisions relationship-wise. And I'm progressive enough that the sleaze-and-creep factor shouldn't bother me, right?
It's food for thought.
Right now, it's not really bothering me all that much; realistically, it's only been a couple of months. The intimacy part does bother me, but I knew it would, and I really don't have a solution for that. The not-having-sex part isn't really a problem yet, but it probably will be after a while.
I think that my fear is that the sex may get confused with intimacy. I suppose that's kind of silly when I actually put it into words, but after a year or more of being sexless, I can see where the lines may blur a little.
I don't know-- it's all so confusing.