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boring

Wow. After a brilliant weekend, coming back to the apartment was boring.
My freezer is now full of *stuff*. I have a couple of pounds of extra-lean ground beef, a couple of frozen leftover pot roast meals, several boxes of lean pockets, and a couple of pizzas. And ice, and a bucket o margaritas. Well, half a bucket anyway. :)
I have that sort of half-sleepy feel going on today-- that feeling right before you take a well-earned nap, and you are cocooned and warm, and everything is right with the world. It's a Good Thing®.

I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. Barb is not a superbitch, nor do I hate her, nor do I want to disparage her in any way. We are going through a breakup after twelve years together, and there are some issues that we have with each other-- there are bound to be.
Because I get annoyed with something that she says or does or doesn't do doesn't mean that I think any less of her. It's simply something annoying to me. This is after all my journal, and I am writing about my experiences and feelings. I am not the be-all/end-all of anything other than my own little world, and her feelings and experiences differ from mine. My commentary is entirely one-sided, and I don't apologize for that.
Barb is a very wonderful person in her own right. If she wasn't, we wouldn't have been together for those 12 years. And truthfully, we are getting along amazingly well considering the circumstances. I certainly still care for her and want to see her do well in the future, but there is now this... facet... of our relationship that isn't there anymore.

It hurts to lose that.

But I think that it is better for us to go in different directions. We really want different things from life, or at least I think we do. And we each need to grow into ourselves a little more... or maybe a lot more.

Can we remain friends? I think so. It was a little touchy there for a while, but I think deep down there is still a lot of goodness, and as long as we don't try and screw each other over, we will be fine.

I hope that's the case. I know that in breakups, there is very often the desire for petty, manipulative bullshit. I really want to be above that. I had enough of that with the ex-wife, who lived for petty manipulative bullshit.

I suppose we will see how it goes, but I am trying to take active steps to be the opposite of petty, and I'm not being manipulative.


Let's see... in other news, still boring. I did try to e-mail a friend, and yahoo! bounced the message saying that "the domain 'msn.com' could not be found", which I thought was hilarious. Doesn't microsoft own the internet?


Started watching The Bourne Identity last night. Paused about halfway through because I was too sleepy to continue, but I recognized the German chick from Run Lola Run. And the fight scenes are awesome. Worthy of dissection and analysis. :)


I wish I was a better artist. My production sketches for The Magic Bear are pretty lame, and not at all what I have in mind. I may need to go buy a bear and dissect it...

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
windelina
Jul. 20th, 2004 10:58 am (UTC)
Franke Potente is hhhhot.
And I love the subtle things in The Bourne Identity.
I love that there's no chase music or sarcastic quips during the car chase. I love that Franke looks terrified during it. That she's not weak or helpless, but nor is she able to just immediately be all kick-ass.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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