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Breakup stuff

NOTE: there is a bit of Barb-bashing in this entry. It is entirely one-sided on my part, and should not be taken as a fair and balanced report.

I was driving home from work last night, and got to thinking about the breakup, and whether I would consider getting back together.
I know, I know-- but it was more an exercise in thought than anything, so bear with me.
The answer is pretty complex. The short answer is no.
The longer answer deals more with the reasons for the breakup than anything.
Barb fell in love with someone else. Or if not love, at least a major-league infatuation. And she told me that although she loved me, she had never been in love with me.
She has her reasons for feeling that way. She has her reasons for feeling like I wasn't giving her enough of myself. Perhaps I wasn't.
But I believe that her falling in love with somebody else and putting it in the context of having one or the other pretty much ended the relationship.
Barb may have made a mistake. She may have made decisions in a time of emotional turmoil that were not the best she could have done. She was not unaware of that, and she made those decisions anyway. And I think that she would make those same decisions again for the same rerasons.

I feel that I deserve better. I deserve to be loved fully and completely for who I am. And I am not willing to accept less.
That could be considered Hubris. I don't believe it is.

I don't know if I will ever find that. I do believe now that there is the possibility of it, which I didn't believe just a couple of months ago.
That is progress.


Jul. 29th, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
Breakup stuff
Y'know? Someday I'm gonna write the definitive self-help book on getting past breakups.
I'm half-kidding when I say that. But only half.
Rob, congrats on some really illuminating - and concise - introspection. I think that, despite your disclaimer at the top, it was pretty fair and balanced - at least as much as is possible when you're smack in the middle of something inherently subjective and full of emotional bias (like I said, gonna write a book someday).
Yeah. "Loving" someone and "being in love with" someone are extraordinarily different things, and if you know which one of those things you really want, don't settle for a cheap knockoff. You deserve better. So does everybody else. Except Bill O'Reilly. He deserves a stickleback trout in his ass.

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