Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

I feel empty inside. Hollow. Purposeless. Ruderless. Not even lonely, or bitter, or sad or angry, just empty. Like I can't hold any emotion.

Hard time waking up this morning. My body still feels like it's jerking itself awake every time I move, like that tiny burst of adrenaline that happens when you wake up from a falling dream.

I don't think I'm dreaming. If I am, it's a horrible, mundane dream. If I'm dreaming, I should be dreaming of fantastical things, like flying with the wings of a lion, soaring high above the clouds for the sheer joy of it. Or perhaps being at an archaeological dig where we find some long-lost treasure, and awaken something that has been slumbering for centuries.

Instead, I find myself sitting in front of a computer monitor in a city where I know nobody, and I have nothing.

I woke up again. 4:50 this time, a little later than the usual. Felt like I couldn't move, like I was weak. Not paralyzed, just weak. A few moments of disorientation where I couldn't remember where I was, and I couldn't see anything that gave me a clue as to where I should be. I managed to work up the strength to turn over, and everything snapped into place-- I had been facing the wall, where the only shapes were indistinct splotches of light that were leaking in through the small holes in the blinds.
I managed to get up enough to go to the bathroom, then I went and sat in the living room for a while and just listened. Muffled sounds of traffic on the freeway. Indistinguishable music coming from somebody's radio. The sound of a lone cricket right outside my window.

Even darkness isn't quiet.


  • (no subject)

    It finally happened. It had to, really. I was in the bottom two cut from LJ-Idol this week. I made it to the top 50, from some rather larger…

  • Mayville

    "Too many bats in the belfry, eh?" The question came from a small man in the scrubs-and-robe garb of an inmate. He looked a little like a garden…

  • LJ-Idol

    Another batch of entries. Consistently amazed at how good the writing is. Voting is open for…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment