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Creepy



The first kind is the scary-monsters hook-on-the-car-door haunted house kind of creepy.

The second is the hey-little-girl-I-have-candy-in-my-pants kind of creepy.

They are completely different things.

Come on. The first one is just plain fun. Who hasn't been to a scary movie or sat with a group of friends and told ghost stories around the campfire? Who hasn't gotten a thrill out of going to a haunted house?

The second one... well, I suppose it must be fun for the guy with the candy in his pants. And I suppose it must be fun for his cellmate Bubba who likes to say things like "boy you gots a purty mouth" and "I'm on top". Other than that, I don't think that most people enjoy the thought of being stalked or molested. I think that's because in this case, the fear is real.

Fake fear is fun. Real fear isn't.

And I'm all about fake fear. I couldn't tell you why, but I suspect it is a deap-seated something from childhood.

You see, I remember EC comics. I was pretty young, probably about 9 years old, and I was reading comics in a store. Somehow I managed to come across "Creepy Tales" or something similar.

I was scarred for life.

There were skeletons that walked, telephone calls from the grave, and a number of walking dead type monsters. I had nightmares for weeks.

It changed me. I was afraid of monsters. The things that lived under the stairs at night, or in the dark rooms that were just fine during the day (in the thogic of the 9-year-old boy's mind, light banishes all monsters). And that fear transformed into joy at scaring my friends. We used to make "spookhouses" in the laundry room in the basement, trying to scare each other with glow-in-the-dark paint, halloween masks, old sheets, and whatever else we could find.

I stayed afraid of the dark until I was in my 20's. My father died, and during the mourning period, I was determined to get over my fear.

I did, which I have talked about before. And since then, I have loved the dark, and loved the monsters that live there, because they are my monsters. They are the creations of my own mind. They are my friends.

And I understand and appreciate the artists that create monsters of their own and love them just as much, and I appreciate the joy in being able to share them.


So when I talk about being creepy, I mean that kind of creepy. When I talk about liking brownies, I'm talking about the kind that you cook and eat. And not in the Hansel & Gretel sense either. I'm talking about the kind of creepy that can take an innocent song from childhood like "This Old Man" and turn it into a horror story.


This old man, he played one
He played knick-knack on my thumb
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played two
He played knick-knack on my shoe
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played three
He played knick-knack on my knee
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played four
He played knick-knack on my door
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played five
He played knick-knack on my hive
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played six
He played knick-knack on my sticks
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played seven
He played knick-knack up in heaven
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played eight
He played knick-knack on my gate
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played nine
He played knick-knack on my spine
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

This old man, he played ten
He played knick-knack once again
Knick-knack paddywhack, give your dog a bone
This old man came rolling home



Think about it. It has some really great elements to it: a creepy old man who moves weirdly (This old man came rolling home... he either walks really strangely, or he has an old wagon and either one is creepy at night); bones (give a dog a bone... what if it's a human bone? Especially that thing about the spine); escalation (thumb, shoe, knee...); resurrection (just when you think he's dead...); and room for a sequel.

I have to figure out what knick-knack is. It definitely is onamatopeic, so there are some lovely sound cues that could come out of the darkness. And paddywhack sounds violent, especially if you're Irish or live by a frog pond.


Or take the Teddy Bear's Picnic:
If you go down to the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today
You better go in disguise
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic


What if all of the teddy bears had a secret agenda? Suddenly the idea becomes much more sinister.

So yeah, I'm twisted. But it's a fun kinda twisted. :)

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