I know this. I could fix it if I chose-- I could go out and meet new people, call up friends, just go out and do something.
Yet I don't. Right now I feel sensitive to people. I can feel their pain pressing on me like a huge weight, their hunger and speed and boredom amplified and multiplied until it's a tangible thing.
I have a great desire to be touched. To be caressed, to be comforted, to be enveloped in the warmth of another's embrace. Yet I am afraid of this also, because I could be blinded by the need the desire the hunger to the point where I can't see the terror until it is too late.
I can be blinded by beauty and sluttiness. I know this. I am capable of making bad decisions.
But I am not desperate.
I know my limitations. I know my liabilities. Maybe not all of them, but enough. I know that I am better off staying away from beauty and sluttiness for right now, at least in doses that can irradiate my heart with poison.
Surrender my passion to the greater good. Pay the price now, make the trek, Hi de ho, it's off we go. Mind the gap.
I would pay good money not to have to pay good money for sex.
Love me, for I am passionate. Love me, for I am good. Love me, for I am wonderful. Love me good, long time.
In case you're wondering: no, I'm not drunk, or stoned, or anything like that. I've just been sitting in the dark for hours listening to techno/ambient/space music and goth dark music, and I'm feeling like I haven't felt in years. Unfortunately, you get to pay the price for my stream-of-unconsciousness doggerel.
I'm currently listening to Soma FM: Drone Zone (Winamp). If I could play this while I was sleeping, it would be something amazing. I'd probably wake up and be on Mars os some shit.
And with that, I think I shall go to bed.